Story | October Madness

What had happened to me? Why am I the only one left with all stuff to deal with? Why am I not able to deal with this? I’m very disappointed at myself. Why am I the excluded one, the weird one, the stubborn, the loner? I mean I don’t mind being by myself, but why do people have to judge my decisions? Why can’t they just ignore me and go on with their life? I felt like I’m dragging everyone down. I don’t want to be cared by anyone. I rather have my own life and stay in my little bubble. Why do they have to take my precious tiny little timeslot for self-reflection away? Why why why? Now I don’t even know how to deal with myself, but to get stress and burst into tears. I’m frustrated. Can’t they just ignore my weirdness and let go of me? Being too nice isn’t really helping me. It just stresses me out even more. Just go away. Please. It’s very very frustrating when nothing goes well in your life. But surprisingly it’s not related to school at all. That’s the odd thing. I guess it’s the accumulation of everything else. The future, humming noise coming from nowhere, money, christmas, the refusal to follow the majority and hence affecting the happiness of others, and everything is crashing me down. I actually feel more stress and frustrated then half a year ago. Why? Is one month the limit for loving others? Am I going to be the out caster for the rest of my life? How do people deal with this? Like how do you maintain your own believes and identity without compromising your status as a co-operative member within the community? Do you just have to lose yourself sometimes? Or do you just go with what others want you to be? How do you find a balance between the two, if what you believe in is in fact going against the majority?

Remember ignoring me is actually helping. It doesn’t help if you try to cure me. I’m meant to be an alien. So stop the conversion.


2009/10/04