Binders

When people hear the term binder, most would think of the folder with rings or clasps for organizing loose paper.

For me, what comes in mind is a garment that binds my chest into a flat landscape... and I am hoping that it will symbolically organize my thoughts on the meaning of being a female.

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If an individual looks ambiguous at the initially look, majority of people would stare down on the person's chest area to see if there are female second sexual characteristics, or boobs, so they can label the person as female or male.

There is also another type of people that would aim straight to female bosoms. Those disgusting perverted men. Those who tried to stare right down your neckline, ripping the shirt open mentally.

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I feel very uncomfortable when people oogle at me, especially my upper body. Yes I have lady lumps. No, I don't want to show them off. Go buy a Playboy magazine and satisfy your visual experience. I don't even want to reveal my curves at all. I only want to keep them for play with my partner in our room in private. For the rest of the time, I just want to keep them neatly binded flat.

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I cannot stop thinking why I think like this. Am I obscurely brainwashed by the awkward believes and culture that I was brought up with? Why am I binding my chest just because I don't want other to look at it? But isn't that just oppressing myself and not being a feminist? Isn't that a trap, and patriarchy is taking its chance to suppress me?

What about the society's view on females not having significant upper chest areas? Does that mean those women are unattractive? But all those high fashion models are pretty much flat too. Will I get alienated if I say I want to be identify as female, but I want a chest flat? Am I abnormal? What is normal anyway, the say of the majority?

Yet on the other hand... what is the purpose having breasts actually? Are they for display, for pleasure, or for what?

Be yourself. F*ck the gender stereotype.

I had forgotten where I found this, but READ it.


Just be yourself.
Love yourself for who you are.

Mood Boost: Butch It Up

I wonder if I am the only one doing this. I know I'm probably not politically correct, but I felt good doing so, so I apologize in advance if I offended anyone.

I found it weird that I always felt like dressing more boyish whenever I feel down or vulnerable about myself. When I appear more androgynous and boyish, the more I feel safe and secure in a literal and emotional way. Literally, I could avoid the uncomfortable glares from others who objectified females, plus of course the perverted old men, by hiding my body. Emotionally... I felt I'm in control, rather than letting others to hurt me.

This is what I don't get. Am I brainwashed by he patriarchal idea of men being the one in power, and women being the dependent one? I'm proud to be a female, yet I couldn't stop comforting and protecting myself by dressing and appearing more guy-ish. Or actually it's okay to boost up your mood, energy, and emotional level by butching yourself up? Maybe this is just an internal thing or obscure belief that runs inside my brain...

From Labels to Possibly Happier Life

I do not want to put a label on you, because it's not nice nor politically correct nor I actually want to categorize you. However I encountered many others who are not happy with their biological sex and their gender and their identity, yet they do not recognize they might be trans rather than gay or lesbian.

From living in Shanghai and browsing through the local forums, I know some people are oppressed from being able to live how they want, and liberating themselves from the wrong body. But of course, people, even participants themselves, are not realizing that they can be happier. At the moment they would simply follow what society wants them to be, living unhappy lives and suppressing their desires.

I have not been to your country, and I can confidentially guesstimate that Korea is not very forward in its LGBT development. I mean, the LGBT history was like blank as a piece of white paper. There are Harisu who seems to succeeded, a gay and a MTF celeb who chose to end their lives (which is really sad), a lesbian tried for the parliament, gay movies here and there, plus a queer cult fest. The rest of people's lives remains untold and unseen, depict the fact that passionated and interesting stories might had happened beneath our eyes.

Now I am wondering if all of this got stirred up because I live in Canada, where LGBT moments are more developed, and I was in a different mind set involving the definitions of being gay and being trans? I really hate to put labels on others, and I believe as long as an individual is happy, one's identity does not matter. Yet... I sincerely want you to be able to live the life you want, rather than placing yourself inside the box, or closet rather.

Masculinity and Femininity

Why we can understand a bar spectrum, but not something like a colour-wheel?
Also can't we think of parallels rather than two opposite ends on a scale?

I felt like in this contemporary (heterosexist) world, we are programmed to understand masculinity and femininity as two extreme oppositions. We are also taught the fact that only the merge of masculine and feminine qualities would create balance in the world, blending the Yin and Yang.

But why can't we have things living and expanding in parallel actions? Rather than two bodies sharing the one same scale and tune around it, we should know that each body can have unlimited amount of scales within themselves, or even colour-wheel like palettes?

Quote of the Day

Why are so many queer women still under the impression that, because they’re a tomboy or sometimes feel butch/boyish, they’re not really femme or are “less” femme? For me, this is exactly wrong. I see tomboy femme as a form of gender mixing (not gender transgression) that’s both inside and outside the categories of butch and femme. I’m fascinated by tomboy femmes because their gender play makes visible the fluidity and flexibility of femme, which is otherwise difficult to see.

— Tomboy Femme & Other Multigendered Femmes « Sublimefemme Unbound

See original article here:
http://sublimefemme.wordpress.com/2008/12/15/tomboy-femme-other-multigendered-femmes/

Be Like Others

Curing homosexuality with sexual reassignment surgery?! Woah. Iran seems more open-minded (okay in reality is more igonrant, go on reading and you will see why) than I thought it would be. Iran not only grants sexual reassignment surgeries as legal in the country, but also the entire process would be paid by the government too. This must be great for Iranians who are born in the wrong body and opting for surgeries. BUT for those who are just interested in the same gender, this might push them into an endless downward spiral. The government's reasoning is human beings are so intelligent and advanced now that correcting mistakes of nature is doable (not to mention heterosexuality is the only right way to go). I mean, are they stupid enough to not realize sexuality and gender are really two separate things? Why do people (in general -including the pre-educated me- not just the Iranian government) always group them together as one thing...

Be Like Others is a documentary by Tanaz Eshaghian, providing "an intimate examination of the intersection of state power, science and religion, gender and sexuality" (quoted from Joanne Nucho's article, Gender Neutralized) Read more description on the film and critiques from Gender Neutralized at http://www.reverseshot.com/article/be_others.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Take the quiz here:
http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/

As usual I'm not surprised with my results...

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

I have to say this is very true though - "You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be."

Facebook is funny

Hmm. I thought facebook is hip enough to be understanding and respecting regarding gender identity issues within its applications. I mean, do I have to choose? Of course if you make me, I can pick "her" just to make you happy - but I REFUSED and clicked cancel because this is my little protest against you. There are others in the world who do get offended or uncomfortable with this little pop-up window. What happen to the facebook users who want to be called by something else other than the two available choices of his/her? Maybe they prefer to go without a pronoun but to be called by their names instead?! How about you let people insert their own stuff? Or maybe disable the entire "making-you-choose-one" pop-ups at all.

(The screen shot was actually taken early January this year - you can tell I was still using my old laptop with Windows XP and it was the vintage facebook layout.)

Observation on Chest-Binding vs. Identity

As I recently got a chest-binder, I started to research about the garment online. Through going onto Chinese lesbian forums and reading blogs written by local lezzies, I knew in Asia (well China and Hong Kong are the ones I had closely observed personally) the chest-binders are targeted to and often worn by Ts [1]. However, when I googled through English-oriented search sites and came back with results that originated from Western countries mainly, I found the binders are more likely to be worn by transgender-identified individuals rather. This is really intriguing... I can't stop thinking if this is because most Western societies are years ahead in the LGBT movement, and people had gone way beyond the butch/femme role playing thing back in the 60s? Now there are much more classification on identities, such as futch, bois, etc, with new ones showing up everyday. Also transgender are not to be grouped with sexuality, but under gender rather. On top of that, I notice lots of individual would simply go under the grand umbrella of queer, or in fact they choose to not label themselves at all. I'm wondering if the difference on how people label themselves occured observed between the two cultures merely because Asia is still under development on fully-understanding gender, sexuality and related subjects? Or people in Asia are just more into the butch/femme scenes? And what about Chinese queer people, are they truly enjoying their labels of being either femme or butch?

With these question (and this topic in general) popping up in my head every morning, I can say I'm not happy with the binary classification within lezzies in China. If you must force me into the division of butch and femme, I would say I contain the quality of both yet not really both. I just want to be who I am, and I don't really want to stuck with a label. Life is hard to get by here in Shanghai - you would often get questioning looks, from your lovely group of lezzies themselves, wondering if you are T or P [4] or an alien. If I ever have an eye contact with you, I would silently say f*ck you in my heart.

Note:
1. T = in this context T doesn't refer to testosterone - but tomboy [2], the more masculine role within the pool of lalas [3]; similar to butch in English, yet does not necessary equal to butch in full extent (more close to baby dyke)
2. tomboy = in China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan, it is a term that's often referring to butch lesbians; unlike its Western definition, tomboy in this context does not hold the simple meaning of girls who dress like boys, regardless of their sexual orientation; it is also known as tb, for short, in Hong Kong culture
3. lala = 拉拉, a more casual word for lesbian in Chinese
4. P = the word/letter for femme in mainland China

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And to treat you for reading the entire article, here's a bonus - 2 digital illustrations dedicated for chest-binding.

traditional way of chest-binding with bandages

relative-newly-developed chest-binding tank tops

Androgynous and Proud

Our society likes to categorize and generalize people into either male or female, but there's more than that. One example is androgyne, which is a perfect mix of the two.

Just be who you are. Be proud of it.