Femininity: A Personal Intepretation

Childhood
My mother was a earthy, natural, butch-like woman. She dislikes fuzzy things. Everything had to be simple and crisp clear. When I was still a kid, my daily-life rarely consisted of any girly things. I begged for long hair, just like the dolls typical girl played with, forever. I envied my classmates from the all girls' catholic school, with their shiny straight hair braided, twisted, and decorated with blue ribbons that matched the school uniforms. My mother told me she did not want to braid my hair, and short hair made everyone's life easier. My sole way of displaying femininity, well girliness at that time, was stripped for convenience. You see I was never a happy kid.

Teenager
Finally I could manage my own belongings. I clad myself with silky long hair with curls that were perfectly styled, natural monochrome make-up, rimless business looking glasses, professional A-line skirts, and black pointy flats. Would people take me as an attractive yet mature young lady? I didn't want to be the sexy, but good enough for those developing young male adults to pay attention to me. Actually, I wouldn't care. They were so immature anyway, only daydreaming and fantasizing about other girls' lacy bras and thong underwear. Yet, I did not get why no one had ever noticed me. A shy, quite intelligent, artsy girl.

Late-teens and beyond
Over with the males. Questioning and conflicting with the morals, girls are apparently attractive too. Hmm, especially boyish butchy ones. They are much softer and more understanding than bio-boys. Also why not go against the majority's view on female attractiveness, and start binding the bosoms? They are really only functional during sexual play anyway.

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I wonder if my life experiences had an effect on my current interpretation of femininity, leaving an impress on my obscure view.

I hate girly females, those ones dancing in the greens with mary jane pumps, flowy skirts and flying scarfs. I would never pity those who twisted their ankle or leg or whatever with their high heels. I think the women who tried to show off their curves are slutty. Yes, I said slutty. I don't care if you are doing this for yourself, or wanting to be objectified by others. I dislike those soft, weak girls that get freaked out and cry easily because of some small thing. Really? The whole act just looks stupid and so pretending to me. If you cry in front of males, maybe they will try their best to help, comfort, or protect you. Me? Go f*ck off. I don't give a damn.

On the other hand, I'm just as stupid as those girls I mentioned above. I am craving to find femininity that works with my own body and mind, and I know I still have a lot to figure out. I strongly discourage the act of being dependent, which is a popular and conventional method of showcasing feminine quality. But am I crossing the line where I'm really just complaining my discomfort because I'm lost? I felt like I have to resculpt the idea of being feminine while not totally trashing my past believes and experiences.

So, what is femininity?

Be yourself. F*ck the gender stereotype.

I had forgotten where I found this, but READ it.


Just be yourself.
Love yourself for who you are.

Mood Boost: Butch It Up

I wonder if I am the only one doing this. I know I'm probably not politically correct, but I felt good doing so, so I apologize in advance if I offended anyone.

I found it weird that I always felt like dressing more boyish whenever I feel down or vulnerable about myself. When I appear more androgynous and boyish, the more I feel safe and secure in a literal and emotional way. Literally, I could avoid the uncomfortable glares from others who objectified females, plus of course the perverted old men, by hiding my body. Emotionally... I felt I'm in control, rather than letting others to hurt me.

This is what I don't get. Am I brainwashed by he patriarchal idea of men being the one in power, and women being the dependent one? I'm proud to be a female, yet I couldn't stop comforting and protecting myself by dressing and appearing more guy-ish. Or actually it's okay to boost up your mood, energy, and emotional level by butching yourself up? Maybe this is just an internal thing or obscure belief that runs inside my brain...

From Labels to Possibly Happier Life

I do not want to put a label on you, because it's not nice nor politically correct nor I actually want to categorize you. However I encountered many others who are not happy with their biological sex and their gender and their identity, yet they do not recognize they might be trans rather than gay or lesbian.

From living in Shanghai and browsing through the local forums, I know some people are oppressed from being able to live how they want, and liberating themselves from the wrong body. But of course, people, even participants themselves, are not realizing that they can be happier. At the moment they would simply follow what society wants them to be, living unhappy lives and suppressing their desires.

I have not been to your country, and I can confidentially guesstimate that Korea is not very forward in its LGBT development. I mean, the LGBT history was like blank as a piece of white paper. There are Harisu who seems to succeeded, a gay and a MTF celeb who chose to end their lives (which is really sad), a lesbian tried for the parliament, gay movies here and there, plus a queer cult fest. The rest of people's lives remains untold and unseen, depict the fact that passionated and interesting stories might had happened beneath our eyes.

Now I am wondering if all of this got stirred up because I live in Canada, where LGBT moments are more developed, and I was in a different mind set involving the definitions of being gay and being trans? I really hate to put labels on others, and I believe as long as an individual is happy, one's identity does not matter. Yet... I sincerely want you to be able to live the life you want, rather than placing yourself inside the box, or closet rather.

The Androgyny Trend (in ENG)

Okay this isn't an extended discussion of yesterday's post. It's just I've translated the entire article into English (please excuse my non-professional translation - I realized I can't and will never be a translator), for those of you who are interested in reading it yet has no or little knowledge of Traditional Chinese.

Also, please acknowledge that the original article was written from a Taiwanese's perspective, and Taiwan is a relatively liberal and open place (in terms of LGBT movement). Nonetheless Li Yuchun and other androgyny celebrities do make people who dress differently than the society's gender role expectation to pass by easier in Asia.

Check out my previous post on The Androgyny Trend here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2009/04/androgyny-trend.html

See the original article with images here: http://castnet.nctu.edu.tw/view.htm?ar_pk=1303

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Intrusion of Androgyny! Challenges To Your Aesthetics
Text by Hsu Pifen (translated by alpha grid), 03/29/2009


Since the start of history, gender and sex are hot topics in discussion among the public. However in today’s media or culture, including manga, movies, performances, tv shows, foreign theatres and others, androgyny is blossoming; genders are not so clearly divided into two categories anymore. From China’s Supergirl Contest’s Li Yuchun to Taiwan’s Super Idol Zhang Yunjin, the trend of being androgynous in entertainment is brought out. Dressing in “handsome” outfits is no longer an opportunity solely belonging to the boys; this raised the gender-related discussion to a new level.

To classify gender/sex in today’s terms, most would categorize based on sexual orientation and gender, for example male/female homosexuals, male/female bisexuals. Outer appearances go beyond one’s gender identity; it is also the aesthetics identity of one. According to traditional aesthetic values, dress or suits, and short or long hair, are people’s instinct tools to classify gender. Yet in today’s liberal sexual/gender era, when certain individuals found themselves being different from the society’s “gender role expectation,” as their first steps they would dress themselves in self-identified genders. Due to the success of gender/sex education, the boundary of gender becomes indistinguishable – teenagers and young adults’ dressings and outfits are heading towards androgyny, making it hard to identify gender based on their outer appearances. The numerous combinations with different fashion items provided people the opportunity to dress in any gender.

As the topic of sexuality are being discussed in a diverse and openly manner, the general public are gradually accepting those who are ambiguous in gender identification, or those who feel different between their outer appearance versus their born anatomy. Also, due to the extensive spread of the popular androgynous trend, people are less likely to use pejorative terms like “fag/sissy” and “dyke.” Males, who carry soft and gentle qualities, are now described as “elegant and polite”; tough and strong females are described as “bold and outspoken.” With examples of metro men and unconstrained women together as hot couples, the new generation of androgynous males and females are gaining confidence progressively, especially in the territory of love and relationships. Back in the days, parents would have to scorn their androgynous kids on being “unable to marry off (or get a wife),” but now the elderly must grant acceptance.


Virtual Art Raises the Cosplay Trend

To talk about the start of our contemporary androgyny movement, it would have to relate to recent movies and soap ops. Currently the trend of “guys dressing as girls” or “girls dressing as guys” is hot – for example the popular tv drama Hana Kimi revolved its plot on a girl who dressed as a boy in order to stay in a boy school, and eventually she was able to capture the boy’s heart even though she dressed androgynously. Other than the Taiwanese drama Hana Kimi, which was later developed into another Japanese drama series, there was also South Korea’s Coffee Prince. South Korean movie The King and the Clown also boosted the “pretty” idol-actor Lee Junki to stardom. Chinese period films Farewell My Concubine and Mei Lanfang were noted examples as well. The character Qiu Rubai in Mei Lanfang once said, “Men disguising as women are sometimes more beautiful than women themselves.” This testified the idea of “being feminine-masculine ambiguous” and “sexuality alteration” are agitating our aesthetics.

On top of the androgynous tread in entertainment business, the circle of manga and animations fans should also be considered as a group that is under deep influences of androgyny. Many male characters in manga have pretty face features; their bodies are slim while containing elegant female qualities. Meme, a cosplayer, said “I think only the boys in manga are considered as pretty. Being bony is aesthetic to female manga fans!” Her manga recommendations included Nosatsu Junkie, W Juliet, Penguin Kakumei, Ouran Koukou Host Club, and others; the male leading characters are all slim weak pretty boys, while the female leads are mostly smart bold girls with lively and outgoing personalities. The manga listed above were all very popular among the group, with a solitary fan base comprised of both males and females. This showcased people’s aesthetic values are slowly transforming – the engagement in idle theorizing had metamorphosis into contemporary trend in reality.

At the moment androgynous idols are stylish; in order to capture both male and female fan base successfully, male celebrities need to have pretty and well-groomed faces, while female celebrities are required to have smart and cool dressings. Other than Zhang Yunjing who was mentioned earlier in the article, there are Ella from S.H.E. and Ueno Juri, the androgyny representative from Japanese drama Lastfriend. The trend is being widespread among teenagers and young adults; they are following the idols and stars, dressing in androgynous style fashion. However, this trend is seen as rebellious in the eyes of the elderly.


Trend of Androgyny Defeating Traditional Values

Chiao Tung University Girls’ Residence 2’s attendants mentioned that this trend of androgyny had given them some challenges. Following the traditional concept on gender, most people would identify others with their outer appearances – so the attendants would not permit guys to enter the girls-only residence. They would often focus on the security camera screen capturing activities at the front entrance, keeping out male students from entering. However in recent years, the attendants are having some trouble identifying. One of them commented, “as soon as I saw those short-hair girls, I would questioned them. But after I checked their student id card to confirm they are in fact girls, then they are allowed to go in.” Actually due to this sort of ambiguous outlooks, many attendants are less alert in their determination, indirectly affecting the security in various aspects. They also pointed out that last winter at Tsing Hua University, a guy wrapped himself up and utilized the fact that everyone wears wool hat, scarf and winter coat, entered the girls’ residence along the stream of people and went on negotiation with his girlfriend. This incident stirred up some issues – residence attendants are worried yet unable to do anything as the population of androgynous girls increases. They said they can only “memorized those who often dress masculine, to avoid confusion.”

Essentially no matter how far the current trend would go, the transformation of fashion among the genders can be fully accepted by the modern era if gender prejudices are abandoned; but of course the traditionally-rooted ideas, of male/female representation and socially-acceptable gender roles, bounded in the elderly minds will take some time to get minimized and adjusted. Modern men are more into beauty, and the definition of being fair ladies are shifting bit by bit - this is an undeniable fact. A society that can bring up the trend of androgyny is an indication of advancement of the era; it can possibly lead to the unification and integration of gender-based fashion culture in the future, which will introduce another brand new vogue.

The Androgyny Trend

It seems like the trend of being androgynous had spread out in our society. Hmm... is this a good thing or bad thing?

Also, I find it really funny when school residences only allow same gender students to enter the residential hall or even sneak over for the night. I mean... this rule would stop hetero kids from doing "inappropriate" things (according to "traditional" values, of course), but we can still work around it, ya know? (:

See the original article with images here: http://castnet.nctu.edu.tw/view.htm?ar_pk=1303

To read the translated version of the article in English click here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2009/04/androgyny-trend-in-eng.html

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中性正夯！挑戰你的審美觀
記者 徐苾芬, 03/29/2009

一直以來，兩性是社會大眾相當關注的重要議題，但現在的媒體或是文化產業上，不論漫畫、電影、戲劇、電視節目、國外影劇等，都刮著一陣「中性風」，性別似乎不能再是以前的二分法。由中國超級女聲的李宇春延燒到台灣超級偶像的張芸京，帶起了一股偶像中性風潮，酷裝打扮已經不是男孩的權利，讓性別議題又增加了更多的討論面向。

現在的性別分類上，早已不只兩種類別，大部分會以性向（該性別受何種對象吸引）再細分性別，例如男(女)同性戀、男 (女)雙性戀等。裝扮不只存在於性別認同之上，也是一種審美觀認同，以舊有審美觀來說，裙裝或是西裝、短髮或長髮，是每個人第一眼用來分辨性別的方法，然而在這樣性別開放的時代來說，當有些人發現自己與一般「社會期待的性別認同」有所不同時，以穿著表現他們所認定的自我性別往往是第一步。正因兩性教育的成功，性別界限模糊化，於是時下年輕人的外表打扮開始較中性化，難以由外觀區分一個人的性別，不同服裝的配搭，都有機會是任何一種性別的可能穿搭。

在各式各樣的性別議題上有了開放式的討論，社會大眾也越來越能夠接受那些對性別認同較模糊、或是打扮與本來性別相異者；於是延伸出現在相當受歡迎的「中性」風格，所謂的「娘娘腔」、「男人婆」已經是較少人使用的貶抑詞；陰柔的男性可以形容為「斯文」，而較陽剛的女生則形容為「豪放」。尤其現在美型男以及豪放女的組合相當熱門，這些走中性風格路線的新男女也漸漸有了自信，尤其是戀愛方面的自信更是提升不少。因為舊時父母親可能對於這樣中性打扮的孩子嘴邊總會掛一句「這樣怎麼嫁得掉（娶的到）啊？」，但現在許多長輩也必須給予認同了。

虛構畫風帶起扮裝潮流

若談起中性風的起源，許多電影以及戲劇節目，現在出現一股「男扮女裝」或是「女扮男裝」為主的潮流，例如著名的電視劇《花樣少年少女》正是女扮男裝混入校園內，雖然是打扮成中性女孩但是卻依然能獲得男孩芳心的喜劇。除了這部翻拍成日劇、台灣偶像劇的《花》劇外，還有韓國撥出時相當火紅的《咖啡王子一號店》，而電影《王的男人》更是捧紅了美型偶像李準基。中國古裝電影《霸王別姬》、《梅蘭芳》也是有名的例子，『男人扮女人，有時比女人還美。』一句出自《梅蘭芳》裡邱如白的台詞，驗證了現下「雌雄莫辨」、「性別錯置」的一種審美風潮。

除了演藝圈刮起了中性風，漫畫界可以說是中性風格影響最深的一個領域。許多漫畫內男生除了臉蛋好看之外，身材也都瘦弱並有女孩優雅的氣質，化名Meme的cosplay狂熱者表示（cosplay即是一種動漫角色扮演的實裝秀），「我覺得漫畫裡的男孩子那樣才叫做美，骨感美是現在漫畫界女孩子對男孩子的審美觀吧！」她介紹的漫畫諸如《色誘中毒》、《真假茱麗葉》、《企鵝革命》、《櫻蘭高校男公關部》等等，男主角們不外乎是瘦弱或是俊美的奶油小生，而女主角也多是帥氣活潑的率真豪放女。它們皆是相當火紅且同時擁有兩性粉絲的著名漫畫，由此看出現代人的審美觀其實已經慢慢在轉變，紙上談兵的功夫如今成了當代潮流。

目前中性偶像風潮燃燒，除了男明星們臉要粉嫩俊美外，女明星們則是要有帥氣清秀的打扮，才能夠成功地贏得兩性粉絲的支持，除了前面提過的張芸京之外，還有S.H.E裡面的Ella或是在日劇《Last friend》裡面的中性風代表上野樹里。尤其是這樣的風潮，讓時下年輕人也跟著這些明星開始流行「中性風格穿搭法」。但是這樣的流行，在許多長輩的眼裡卻是叛逆且一時無法接受的打扮。

中性風潮　傳統觀念受衝擊

交通大學女二舍的宿舍管理員阿姨便表示，這其實造成他們不小的困擾。依照舊有的性別概念，大眾依然會按照打扮來判斷性別，所以阿姨為了管理女二舍不讓男生進入，常常會盯著監視器螢幕監看大門口，以防有男生混入女生宿舍，然而近幾年來卻有越來越多阿姨無法判斷的例子，阿姨說：「一開始看到那些頭髮剪的短短的女生，我還質問她，後來我看過學生證後確定是女生他們才可以進去。」其實就是這樣模糊的打扮，讓許多既有的判斷標準漸漸降低，間接影響到許多事情的安全性。宿舍阿姨表示，去年的冬天，清大便發生過一名男子利用人人都會戴毛帽、圍巾、穿大衣的這個習慣，把自己全身包起來，且趁人潮的時候混入女生宿舍，找他的女友談判。該事件引起不小震撼，於是阿姨對於打扮中性的女生越來越多這點深感困擾但卻也莫可奈何，「只好記住有哪些女生是打扮得像男生的，才不會搞錯。」阿姨無奈地表示。

其實不論現下的流行為何，只要改掉性別偏見便可以接受時代對於兩性打扮的變遷，只是要將根深蒂固的男女形象與應有的打扮從長輩心中消除還是需要一段時間的適應。且現代男人越來越愛美，而淑女的定義也漸漸改變，這是不可忽略的事實，社會能夠吹起一股中性風可看成是時代進步的一個象徵，甚至未來兩性穿著文化的互相融合又將掀起另一種時尚。

Life of Modern Women?

I found this article when I was browsing and reading news on HK Yahoo. I'm pretty disappointed at the fact that 20% of Hong Kong people still believe that mothers should take care of the children's daily necessities while fathers shouldn't involve. I guess the coping solution to this dilemma for most women nowadays is to manage their limited time well between work and family.

But seriously, at least at this moment of life, I wouldn't agree to go through this splitting-up-the-time-into-two-parts thing.

The original post is located here: http://hk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/myself/career/article.html?id=art_49d1cd0d

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置身陰盛陽衰的辦公室
撰文：sir pan, 03/31/2009

現今社會倡導男女平等，但似乎是主觀願望，無論在工作上或者平日生活，總會出現不公平現象。根據婦女事務委員會(婦委會)早前委託顧問公司，於 2009年1月至2月期間，就性別議題觀念訪問了1530名15歲或以上人士，約20%同意「照顧子女的日常生活是媽媽的工作，不是爸爸的工作」，可見社會上「男主外，女主內」的觀點依然根深蒂固。已婚女性要工作更必須要比男性負起多一個角色，要兼顧家庭及事業。所以，時間管理方面需要更有掌握，否則吃力不討好，影響工作表現及團隊效率。

公私兩忙 管理時間要好

身為美容公司的市場總監Helen是最典型的職業女性，每天都忙得不可開交，她說：「早上我會回到位於尖沙咀的公司，它主要是提供女性護理療程例如 facial、水療及按摩等，通常我會與治療師們溝通、編排schedule，或者安排美容師做training提高技巧等，間中亦會和管理層商討舖內不同的事宜，有時細緻到如加添那種香薰、員工制服的加減甚至清潔用品都可能兼顧到，一直忙到大概七點鐘我就回家休息。」

有不少男士都不喜歡伴侶太過投入工作，甚至為伴侶超越自己而感到不舒服。對此Helen認為：「女性是需要工作的，否則會覺得生活苦悶又頹廢，但因為要兼顧家庭，所以要懂得如何分配時間。以我自己為例，星期一至五由朝早十點到晚上七點，都是工作時間，但七點半後我一定會在家，照顧小朋友及溫習功課等，直到十點他上床睡覺，每天我便是把握用當中那兩個半小時和他傾偈交流，因為只要一星期沒和孩子溝通，就會發覺他們變化得很快的了，哈哈！」

Helen亦坦然表示：「其實自己也不算是及格的媽媽，每天只有一點時間陪兒子，所以在週末、日我通常會盡量全日陪著他，公司員工都暸解我的時間表，也盡量不會在這些家庭日聯絡我談公事。」

現代社會傳統思想

上述調查亦顯示，「女性不應該做傳統男性的工作」如建築工人或消防員等亦觀念得到大比數認同。Helen則認為不論男女，大家都應該放開懷抱改變觀念，她說：「女性應該可以做到傳統男性的工作，雖然男人一般氣力較大，但發覺女性的忍耐力及EQ其實是會較男性高，可能因為女性的身體可以承受到分娩的痛楚，生過BB的女人都會知道那種痛楚是達到“十級程度”，我相信男人是會無法忍受的，所以就這一點已可以證明女性也能夠勝任傳統男性的工作。」

在社會巨輪下女性已擔當重要角色，面對女上司的管治下，男性應該如何應付？女性應該怎樣配合？是值得思考的課題。

Labels and Complications

I'm not ready to identify as a woman yet. The word woman sounds too serious. Plus the stigma that involves behind it - with many others contributing their ideals regarding one being a "woman" in today's patriarchal society. Being girl seems easier, as most people understand the term as a kid/juvenile, which put less responsibility on one. But many still have certain expectations. Lots of rules too. What to do and what not to do. How to react and how not to react. Is being female wrong after all? Maybe we all are not meant to be born and live. And suffer through all these patriarchal crap.

Actually I don't know how to describe myself in one single word. My self identification will be a bunch of words put together in an ultra complex paragraph that will put you to sleep. I'm a person who loves to analyze and breakdown things into categories and compartmentalize them into bits and pieces. But I find the issue of one's gender identity, sexuality identity, and sexual orientation are very complex to dig for an absolute answer. Also to me they are similar to the nature of water - let it flow and see where it brings you. At various stages of life it's highly possible that one would want to identify oneself differently.

Stereotyping is no good, although we all like to summarize people into labels. Labels do help you to identify each other fast, avoiding the later messiness of figuring out the person you are into are not exactly what you wanted/expected. Making people change according to your expectations is not really feasible. Adjustments might happen due to the great love, but definitely not entirely modifying the person into someone that purely lives in your fantasy.

I'm contradicting myself here again. So are labels good or what? I believe titles are good until they get to a certain degree where the one-worded descriptions bring you more complications rather than help. Labels do give people a sense of security and comfort as they feel they belong to a specific group after all. Remember all those teenage years when you tried to fit in? That's exactly what I mean. No one would want to be left alone by themselves and be outcasts.

Don't judge me by how I look

While standing on crowded buses every morning to get to work and every evening to get home, I often think about how other bus passengers perceive me. What would they think of me (if they care to look)? What words would they use to describe me: tall, not-attractive, small eyes, lezzie-looking-but-not-T(butch)-nor-P(femme)-so-possibly-H(versatile)?

I know the above happen because I personally do watch people on how they act and react. I would guess if people are rich/poor (or they just dress that way), if they have some sort of fashion senses (of course according to my standards, hah), or what they are like. But this restricts solely by how they dress themselves.

However after some time of just watching people, now I've bumped the seemed-simple observation to another level - are people really like what they dress like?

Am I contradicting myself?

Recently while I was waiting for the bus, or in fact traveling on the bus, I’ve been thinking if fashion is really something that others use to define, interpret, and understand an individual. Is fashion a way for us to represent, express our inner desires? Or is it solely existed for the function of protection?

A few days ago, I was complaining on the phone with my mom that I really really want to cut my hair because of the super hot temperature in Shanghai (and Hong Kong). Her reply was, “aren’t you afraid others would call you a tomboy or mistaken you as a man?” Cough cough mother. If we are going with the stereotype images, there’s no way ever I’ll be more butch looking than you do. (refer to this for more description of my mom) Anyhow, I responded her it doesn’t matter how others take you, as long as you are comfortable with it. Then she changed the conversation topic to having short hair needs continuous maintenance and stuff. But after that phone call I’m wondering - so how you look is equal to what you are? In many ways this is true. One of my gay guy friends dressed himself in extremely flamboyant colours after he came out to others. There is also me, who substantially decided to cut my long hair (which I had over 8+ years) short and dyke up my wardrobe after I’ve confirmed my feelings for girls and want to attract other lesbians. And for non-LGBT related examples, there’s my good friend who is a bit sloppy and very casual – she really goes with wrinkled (in a bad way) clothes and hence non-polished looks even at job interviews (which doesn’t do her any good). I guess maybe after all, it is human nature to judge people by the way they look (and how they carry themselves). Fashion just happens to be one of the means.

And the big question of the day - if I cut my medium-length hair shorter, will you think that I’m a lesbian-loving lezzie?

Thanks for f*cking up my gaydar!

Seriously, I want to thank you for screwing up my gaydar – V, F, S, and Mom. Did you know I’m trying really hard to identify gay girls? It is already difficult enough already, as there are so much ignorance in me. Why, why, why do you have to be so androgynous that made me confuse and question about your sexuality (and dreaming possibly a LTR)? Okay, I should stop complaining. Let me describe all the people that I want to thank you.

V is my high school friend. At first I thought she is into girls, as she dresses very andro. Her favourite idol is a Hong Kong singer who rumours to be gay, sings lots of songs containing same-sex relationship lyrics, and dresses very very very androgynously relative to the rest of the entertainment business in East Asia. Anyhow, my guestimate is wrong after all – my friend V is quite happy with her current boyfriend, and they are together for over 6 months now. BUT she still refuses to wear dresses, cuts short hair, dresses so gay that lezzies would not believe that she’s straight.

Next person to talk about is F. I wasn’t really close with her before, just a causal friend/classmate from school. She wasn’t that attractive before anyway – long hair in a pony tail (ding ding ding, GAY!), dresses in track suits and sweaters and running shoes. Just a normal sporty gal. However, the past weekend she came to Shanghai to give herself a retreat and to visit me. Guess what… I can FEEL that people thought we were a lesbian couple, more on the shy side as we weren’t holding hands. Thanks, I mean really. I know I’m interested in girls, but I’m not exactly ready to be seen in a gay relationship (but then again, even if it’s a guy, and I fit the social norm, I still won’t be ready to be seen as one half of a “couple”). It is possible that I’m being over sensitive, but I felt like suddenly I become a little femme girl, and being taken care of by her. Argh. Not exactly what I expected. One more thing, as we were lying on the bed one night (yes, she was staying with me for the weekend), I asked her if any girls ever interested in her. Her reply was “yes, but I don’t think bisexuality works/exists.” Hmm… so you are saying you are totally straight (because she’s a devoted Christian), or totally gay (which is not surprising, really, but she is definitely in denial in the current mode)? I will wait for you and see if you actually f*cked up my gaydar or not. You know... I love to proof myself/my instinct is right.

S is one of my co-workers in Shanghai. She has short butchy hair, a cute slim body, around her late 30s. Perfect candidate as an eye candy at work. I even became so bold that I shake hands with her when I got to help her team for a bit, being so confident and blah (usually I just knob and smile at others when I get casually introduced here in China, as hand shaking is just a bit too formal and too much contact). BUT this attractive woman is married and a mom to a 6-year-old girl. There comes my broken gaydar. But again, my instinct might be right - it's just the Chinese society put too much pressure on women who doesn't get married after 25.

Last but not least is my own mother. I used to think that she’s just like being plain and earthy and natural and all the possibly words you can find to describe “don’t care about looks.” Yet after I started to drop my ignorance on homosexuality, suddenly my mom becomes a butch in my eyes. Short spiky hair, collar shirts 99% of the time (which she said they flatten out her chubby body), super independent, and endless list of stereotypical butch qualities. I guess my dad is more the dependent one, hence my mom has to contain certain feature in order to balance the relationship. (By the way, my mom is the one right in the middle with the black leather backpack that she owns/uses for over 10+ years.)

Yet again, I might be forcing a stereotype on people basing on their fashion choices, directly falling into the stereotyping/labeling trap. Or maybe I’m just trying too hard on my gaydar up to a point where it just goes wrong and starts to offend others. What do you think?