Over the past two years or so, I have turned into this sulky pessimistic person. Or monster rather. My old self is no longer with us.
I walked myself into a forest.
I do not contain the positive energy that used to be so natural to me anymore. Those were the sweet days - I am the listener, the mood booster, the provider of optimism. However now I am constantly envy and jealous of other people's status, daily lives, achievements, or even the tiniest thing that does not really matter. I cannot stop comparing myself to my friends, whom are:
- involving in a loving relationship with their partner (where I am still grieving over the past and struggling with the present ephemeral),
- starting their wonderful career doing what they enjoy (what am I doing? my work is not recognized, not even by an anonymous blogger),
- living a simple life with a simple mind (I wish I can think like a child, or maybe just be ignorant and pass on problematic issues that does not involve myself directly),
- studying more and more school plus traveling around the world because their parents can support them financially (for me there is already a huge sum of government loan to repay already, don't even mention about flying to Korea and training in Transylvania),
- knowing how they want to proceed with the future (I have dreams, I just do not know if I will have support of any kind)...
Get me out please!
I have been trying to be a good person. Hopefully karma do exist and good things will happen and guide me through the darkness.
2010/04/22
I walked myself into a forest.
I do not contain the positive energy that used to be so natural to me anymore. Those were the sweet days - I am the listener, the mood booster, the provider of optimism. However now I am constantly envy and jealous of other people's status, daily lives, achievements, or even the tiniest thing that does not really matter. I cannot stop comparing myself to my friends, whom are:
- involving in a loving relationship with their partner (where I am still grieving over the past and struggling with the present ephemeral),
- starting their wonderful career doing what they enjoy (what am I doing? my work is not recognized, not even by an anonymous blogger),
- living a simple life with a simple mind (I wish I can think like a child, or maybe just be ignorant and pass on problematic issues that does not involve myself directly),
- studying more and more school plus traveling around the world because their parents can support them financially (for me there is already a huge sum of government loan to repay already, don't even mention about flying to Korea and training in Transylvania),
- knowing how they want to proceed with the future (I have dreams, I just do not know if I will have support of any kind)...
Get me out please!
I have been trying to be a good person. Hopefully karma do exist and good things will happen and guide me through the darkness.
2010/04/22
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