Binders

When people hear the term binder, most would think of the folder with rings or clasps for organizing loose paper.

For me, what comes in mind is a garment that binds my chest into a flat landscape... and I am hoping that it will symbolically organize my thoughts on the meaning of being a female.

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If an individual looks ambiguous at the initially look, majority of people would stare down on the person's chest area to see if there are female second sexual characteristics, or boobs, so they can label the person as female or male.

There is also another type of people that would aim straight to female bosoms. Those disgusting perverted men. Those who tried to stare right down your neckline, ripping the shirt open mentally.

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I feel very uncomfortable when people oogle at me, especially my upper body. Yes I have lady lumps. No, I don't want to show them off. Go buy a Playboy magazine and satisfy your visual experience. I don't even want to reveal my curves at all. I only want to keep them for play with my partner in our room in private. For the rest of the time, I just want to keep them neatly binded flat.

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I cannot stop thinking why I think like this. Am I obscurely brainwashed by the awkward believes and culture that I was brought up with? Why am I binding my chest just because I don't want other to look at it? But isn't that just oppressing myself and not being a feminist? Isn't that a trap, and patriarchy is taking its chance to suppress me?

What about the society's view on females not having significant upper chest areas? Does that mean those women are unattractive? But all those high fashion models are pretty much flat too. Will I get alienated if I say I want to be identify as female, but I want a chest flat? Am I abnormal? What is normal anyway, the say of the majority?

Yet on the other hand... what is the purpose having breasts actually? Are they for display, for pleasure, or for what?