Story | First Glance

You seem so perfect in the first glance. Large eyes with dark brown orbs, tall and slim statue plus a bit of ab muscles, cute yet fond looking blend with a hint of innocence. It would be very nice to have you as a lover visually.

It is true when people say love at the first glance, at least partially. I would not say I love you the first time I saw you - to be honest, I don't think I even noticed you when you first joined our community - but after 2 years of tuning, you turned into this gorgeous figure.

I was surprised you were not partnered off... Who would of expect some body like you be available for all? You are a good church boy, with a seemingly healthy life style and a mission to spread. You are too good to be true.

* * *

It is very sad that my political views and opinions are very different from yours. I cannot bring myself into supporting your faith, although I would respect your spiritual believes. Yet... things will clash under typical conditions. Of course this is just a general assumption, but deep inside me I know the issue will not be a small one. Three centuries long of oppression and conflicts will not dissolve itself miraculously under the life time of our being.

Good things do come with a baggage of some sort. Nothing is perfect in this world.


2011/06/03

Story | Rain

I want to flood like there is no tomorrow, draining out every single drop of intention straight down the eavestrough. Sadness slips in. Tiredness spreads across the campus, leaving none of the patches empty. I cannot stop wondering if everything was my own fault, or I was simply being situated at the bottom of the ladder?

Perhaps this is just a preview of the upcoming storm.


2011/06/03

Story | Cope

Am I just grieving my own wrong, bad, irrational, stupid decisions? I used to be very confident and not regretful about my own choices, however lately I felt I have been making incorrect ones consecutively... Was it because my instincts are no longer sharp, or they were masked over by some blur that diverted me into the questionable directions?

I don't mind small detours, as I cherish the experience of process rather than the result. Yet many late decisions felt as if they were dead ends. Once you reach there you cannot even work out a three point turn. The situations were very difficult to get over with... Perhaps I have become weaker in my combativeness, or I had simply sheltered myself away from storms for too long. At the moment I cannot even stand tiny winy bit of disturbance generated from a small blow across the region.

I need a vacation, to be away from everything. All I see, hear, and do contains traces of trauma. Sadness lingers everywhere.


2011/05/31

Story | Spectrum

I want to be drunk with endless bottles of vodka, never sobering.
I want to be drown into a pool of water, never waking up.
I want to be gone to a foreign land, never revealing my past.

Life is so sad, upsetting, and hopeless.
Life is so exhausting, consuming, and demanding.
Life is so complicated.

* * *

Maybe instead of seeing things on a line with two opposite ends, I should try to see them as running parallels. Perhaps then things will turn out better...


2011/05/29

Story | Intertwine

Waiting in the lobby munching my sandwich, I peeked through the foyer glass contemplating on the retail strip across. A parade of some sort was walking down the street two layers of glass away from me. I assumed it was a wedding march - the couple was B. and a white girl. I was never close to B., so I did not know who the bride was. But nonetheless I quietly congratulated them in my heart, wondering my own sour single state.

Both of the groom and the bride were wearing elaborated weird head pieces, something made of wheat and greens in an organic form. It was very architectural and definitely not something you see everyday. Following behind the grand couple was a bunch of elegantly and nicely dressed young men in suit, also donning smaller decorated pieces on their heads. M., as the groom's man, was among one of them.

I was just simply amazed by this function, unknown to me... It was almost like a surprise, but one that I was not directly involved nor should be affected by.

* * *

A. explained to me she was a bit frustrated by the ceiling design inside the stairs. The thin strips of concrete beams with rails for movable hooks high above, about two levels, were creeping her out. Obviously she doesn't enjoy minimalist smooth fluid yet strong shapes. She brought us into the vertical circulation space, showing me the exact space she was complaining about. It had a combination of various architectural moments I have seen at Zaha Hadid's MAXXI Museum in Rome... Interesting.

However, all I noticed was a glazed panel on the side, framing and projecting to another set of stairs many floors above. It looked exactly like the perspective rendering showcased some time back before the construction that I came across sometime ago. I guess the as-built did not drift off much from the original proposal.

Walking down the grand stairs were M. and his fellow colleagues. They were dressed in high fashion typical male model suits with summer loafers, walking over to say hello to A. To be honest, I was surprised M. had transformed from my image of him as a young adolescence into a almost-unrealistic version of the ideal male found in Korean dramas. Another interesting moment.


2011/05/22

Story | Melancholy

I was glad that you were back. However that was before I read further about your profile, stared at random picture of you standing behind the lecture speaking about your faith, and browsed through the videos you made to promote your religious group.

It really hurts to cut away myself from you, yet I foresee potentially larger troubles that will haunt me later. I do not want to endanger myself into insanity... despite the fact that I am still deeply attracted by your pretty facade.

But yeah, I said it myself. You are just a beautiful person at the visual level. Your faith, your soul, and your everything else... I am not sure if I am ready to handle them yet. Or the worse, we might be living in completely different universe.

Slice.


2011/05/28

Story | Crossing Fingers

I secretly hope you had deactivated your account temporary rather than blocking me as a friend. Life had been going downhill lately - out of school and negativity in work. I just was something good to hung onto. You, as a subject to be appreciated, is distant yet also very inspiring. I don't know you much, but I trust my instinct of being attracted by you. There must be something wonderful about you.

Time. I need more opportunities to get to know you. Maybe then my life will raise itself into prosperity. Everyone will be happy.


2011/05/27

Story | Twenty-four

I wish days can go back, to a time where there were less worries. Not that I have changed, but it seems things are growing more complex. Now, me, my body, and myself as whole, are more constrained and trapped with reality. Dreams are there, yet they seems to derive further away...

Is this aging? Or perhaps this is just a natural process every individual has to go through, the lost of time? I think I am starting to understand the preciousness of youth.

It is okay. You are still only twenty-four. The other body is only minus three.


2011/05/16

Story | Transformer

I laughed at you for overtly losing yourself through years in your relationship. But then who are not doing so? At least I know I do not have the qualification to look down upon you, as myself had undergone tremendous transformation over the past few years. Those changes, for better or for worse, were triggered with the indirectly influences from my multiple crushes and inspirational figures.

Well, I just hope you realize and believe your transformation is good and useful for self development. Please do not get too attached up to a point where you lose your true self, your personality, your character, and everything that you are. Positive influences are always great.


2011/05/15

Story | Pit

What would you do if you made a bad decision? Do you regret, or do you just simply cope til the end of the suffer?

Things are bitter. But it was my very own choice. I cannot blame anyone else, but myself for the making the wrong decision.

Perhaps this is karma. I have spend all my positive balance on school, fully enjoying what I was doing. But then again, today I learned that there are indecent cheap people in the world.

I guess I was just disappointed. I no longer have respect for this particular individual. However I do truly thank him for providing me this valuable experience.


2011/04/26