Korean beauties 2

Another image of the cute couple Onkey. Although Key is blurred out in the background... whatever.


p.s. Onew, happy 22th birthday!

Korean beauties

SHINee's Onew and Key in Nylon magazine. What a cute couple.

p.s. Key, happy early 20th birthday!

Story | Fukuoka Winter

February memories.
Bits and pieces popping up after midnight, upon awaking from a strange dream...

Slipping on black leather penny loafers,
saying ittekimasu.
Twirling heavy scarf around the neck,
exiting the front door and descending downstairs.
Half jumping half running up and down through the ribbon streets,
smiling at those big round corner mirrors.

Inserting the monthly pass through the machine,
shyly eyeing for cute male high school students on the bus.
Watching the familiar yet different neighbourhood passing by,
with people coming on and off the vehicle.
Flashing the student id in green card holder very fast to the bus driver,
mumbling arigatou gozaimashita.

Yakuin-eki mai.
Jyane.


2010/09/11

Ume no Kare no Kimi by Watanabe Hamako

Vintage-ness kicks in... A wonderful song dated back from 1951.
夢の彼の君 - 渡辺はま子

Story | Experiement

I foresee the clash.
The mix of turquoise and blue.
A drop of verdigris accidentally hits the sapphire stone.

Minerals.
Each at different stages.
Each formed in different ways.

Precipitate formed from exposure.
Hard and bright stone.

Alchemy of experiment.


2010/09/03

Story | Oppression

I should have know this from the beginning.
Randomness is likely not going to work.
Experiment just makes the matter magnifying exponentially in chaos.

Opposite ends of the world.
I have previous experience...
Millions of questions, unlimited number of silent responses.

Positivity should open up the burden.
Yes, no, or perhaps?

Time will answer.


2010/09/01

Story | 21 Days

September is here.
It is always a mixed feeling when it hits this time of the year.

The official month of school. All parents and kids prep and rush before the first day of class.
The beginning of autumn. Showering leaves in amber and ochre.
The presence of fall equinox. Daylight hours starts to decrease.
The evidence of Virgo giving its power to Libra. The maiden withdraws herself.

A brand new beginning.


2010/09/01

People of the World by J-Friends

Another vintage song from 11 years ago. Kinki Kids, TOKIO, and V6 are not really that popular anymore...

Story | Neverland

Is it possible to feel empty? Gaps occurring in between tasks are uncomfortable.

What is a break? What is a holiday? A way to escape form reality?

I don't know what exactly this is. I cannot describe the feeling. With Japanese dramas, movies, and music videos from 10 or more years ago, I am revisiting the young, naive, and pure emotions of the past.

Being a teenager and a dreamer was a very nice period of time.


2010/08/25

Story | Interfaith Chapel

I really wish an interfaith chapel would be built. I really wanted a positive space for all individuals regardless of their gender, race, religious believes, class, sexual orientation, and everything else just so they can gather and share without the ignorance and conflict.

Too much shock had been happening recently. I just want a pure, simple environment to reflect the past, the present, and the future. Is it even that hard to do so?


2010/08/03

I For You by Luna Sea

A vintage song from 12 years ago. I still get shivers when I listen to this song. Flying through the city and along the shore edge is very nice too.

Story | Evident

So many inspirations... so many stories to tell.

I cannot say I was shocked. I meant, it was just I never bothered knowing. The facts and memories were presented. I cannot stop wondering the nature and characteristic of human beings. Really, I mean really? I am disappointed at weak people. Get it over with. It would have no end, as it never actually started at all. Why bother spending so much energy on useless things? Also getting yourself drunk is definitely not necessary. I felt sorry for you yet I would not pity. It just hurts for me to see it in front of my eyes.


2010/08/01

Story | Iced Tap Water

I felt disgusted. I wouldn't say it's dirty... but it's just, it's just very uncomfortable, even simply revisiting. How could that happen? Do people really lose their mind when they are so intensely emerge into the activity?

Disturbing.

Reduce the temperature.

I must cool down. Take a cold shower or something.
Thoroughly wash from your head down to your toes.

That is the only way horrors would maintain themselves in their corner.


2010/07/25

Story | Star Dust

One day things will fade into pieces.
Tiny winy particles that no one can remember nor recognize.
They can also be reformed into new shapes, living in a new life.

Believe in the future.


2010/07/23

CAD face

Sometimes fun things happen when you draw sections...
Second floor with green roof as hair and hat piece, ducts as eyes, coatroom opening as mouth.

Light

Yet another amazing shot of Lady Gaga.

Story | Must

Everything will go well.

A light to brighten up your mind.
A heart to pump up your motivation.
A stopper to block your procrastination.

Trust yourself, believe in yourself.
Proceed.


2010/07/21

Quote of the Day

I found this quote somewhere online - it's so true. Just try your best and give things a shot. Don't let other things stop you from achieving your goal.

想太多只會壞了事情

決定了便去做，成日怕這樣怕那樣到頭來便甚麼也做不成，太多不利因素也要盡情一試。明明積極地向著目標進發，卻因為想太多顧慮太多而窒礙人的進度。只要有心理準備最壞的結果是甚樣便行了。

Matrix III by John Whitney

Matrix III by John Whitney, 1972
Inspiring triangles.

Korean beauty

Kim Heechul in Nylon magazine.

p.s. happy 28th birthday, Heechul!

Quote of the Day

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

- John Lennon

Story | Outlining People

Lines lines lines. Tons of broken lines with random intersaction, cutting through layers of memories. The locks are gone. The smooth shiny veil is chopped into pieces, shattering across the plastic surface.

Plane? No, there is no area. Only vectors shooting at various angles.


2010/07/08

Gender-blending beauties

Heechul from Super Junior and Amber from f(x).

Quote + Art of the Day

Story | Reflective Pool

Things are as still as a non-circulating reflective pool, minus the dead bugs and random pieces of small garbage.

You are probably busy with exams, finding the right school to go to. I am probably busy with school projects, filming, and preparing exhibition materials. Nothing is settled, nor assured of.

Life is always floaty like a cloud. No one is assured of anything's outcome. One thing you can sort of hang onto is the process. I think you are slightly alter how the process will go for that particular sector of life. However of course, as you try to steer the moment, others can push you over and the process will proceed with a different set of scenery and people.


2010/06/26

Story | Those moments

With the misty rain outside, and chill breeze blowing into the room... I stared at the picture that our friend took of us. I no longer remembered that time, that place, and that moment. You looked different with the short cute babydyke hair. I looked different with the long lush wavy locks.

One would say "but that is just hair. It is just an exterior facade. What matters is the heart." Well no, deep inside me I know we have both changed. You seemed like you were single for the longest time, but from fragments of stories and gossips I knew you had been sleeping with different guys. I kept a low profile too, but experienced some rocky moments with my exes.

Three years. That is how we become the current person we are. You are always so beautiful, even though we are not really close anymore. You have your pool friends, I have my tight group. I wish I can drop by and see you some time.

You know I will wish you the best always.


2010/06/26

Quote of the Day

I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal, and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.

- Audre Lorde

Miinah BONAMANA by Super Junior

Yesterday I posted a video of Super Junior's June 19th performance on MBC with their new song Miinah BONAMANA, today I'm going to post the official music video. Supposedly the music style was named Super Junior Funky, and the dance moves were inspired by figure skating.

Check out Super Junior here: http://superjunior.smtown.com/

Miinah BONAMANA by Super Junior

This is one of Super Junior's performance of their new song Miinah BONAMANA on MBC on June 19th, 2010.

I just have to say I love Heechul - only he can pull off a dress (or should I say long top?) with patterned leggings as a guy in a boy band. And really, he is just so trendy and lovable! Close up shot right below...

Emak-Bakia by Man Ray

Film #7 | Man Ray, Emak-Bakia, 1926
A slightly longer film by Man Ray.

Anemic Cinema by Marcel Duchamp

Film #6 | Marcel Duchamp, Anemic Cinema, 1926
Other than the famous rotated urinal, Duchamp has other goodies.

Ballet Mecanique by Fernand Leger

Film #5 | Fernand Leger, Ballet Mecanique, 1924
Repetition.

Symphonie Diagonale by Viking Eggeling

Film #4 | Viking Eggeling, Symphonie Diagonale, 1924
Mirroring and rotating images. All done by hand.

Le Retour A La Raison by Man Ray

Film #3 | Man Ray, Le Retour A La Raison, 1923
Featuring Paris at night and Kiki.

Opus I by Walter Ruttman

Film #2 | Walter Ruttman, Opus I, 1921
Another experimental abstract film.

Rhytmus 21 by Hans Richter

Film #1 | Hans Richter, Rhytmus 21, 1921

An inspiring and fascinating film.

Quote of the Day

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

- Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Stephen Mitchell

Art of Cookie

Super cute (and gay) rainbow and unicorn cookies!

Mondrian Cake

It's very pretty and edible.
Mondrian Cake by Caitlin Williams for SF MoMA Coffee Bar

Story | State of Presence

Water flows as if there is no end. The body is drained, down and out to the unknown.

Emptiness filled the space. You cannot say it is liberating, yet it is not that bad. Openness and closeness occur at the same time, simultaneously among the passage of time.

No. Nothing has to make sense.


2010/06/15

Story | Blue Grey

Things don't matter eventually. They might be very annoying, bothering, and even haunting at certain moments, but when they're gone, they'll be gone.

It is better to take things light, to take things easy. Ultimate way to survive through the layers of complexity and complications.

This way you would feel less heavy, floating around like a cloud. Over miles of water fountains and canals.


2010/06/14

Quote of the Day

Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.

- Albert Einstein

Story | Negotiation

It had been a year since I twisted my ankle. No, it still hurts from time to time. I can walk, but every time I traveled for too long, I would feel the hidden pain.

It was indeed crazy a year ago from today. Who would think that China could have its pride party? Although organized as a "foreigners" party event with several events being canceled down, the game went on. The night went on. Neighbours even shot fireworks (well actually it was because they were having a wedding, but whatever).

I was glad that I was there.


2010/06/13

Story | Matte Dark-beige Polish

I have bought you for over a few months. Still, I haven't love you. I haven't even tested you yet. Now with long nails sprouting 4mm beyond the nail bed, I felt like I should give you a chance to display, to show off your goodness.

Nah, trouble must be removed and gone for good.


2010/06/13

Pretty Lamp! 2

Similar to the last post (click here), the title explains it all.

Clear Acrylic Lamps by Sander Mulder

Quote of the Day

When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life.

- Geoffrey F. Abert

Story | Excuses

I think I feel so annoyed by you is because you have things, opportunities, and fortune that I really want yet unable to obtain myself. I know I shouldn't envy, or even jealous, of you, as I have other things, opportunities, and fortune that you would never able to get... but at the split second I cannot stop myself from listening to your conversation with your photographer boyfriend, discussing about helping out at wedding party shoots.

I want to be a photographer. I want to be an illustrator. I want to be an artist. I want to be an architect. I want to be a film maker. I want to be everything I am yet, or not able, to be.


2010/05/24

Story | Good things Will Come Soon

Everything will be okay one day. It's just right now at the moment they are doing their own things, and you cannot manager/order/made them to be how you wanted them to be. The energy is going to arrive, then you'll have control over.

Yes. You win! Yay. Muhahaha.

Now wait for that day to come.


2010/05/23

Story | Ventilation

I wanted to ignore you, but the sound got transmitted into my space through the duct shafts. I really want to just throw something at you, and whoever else is with you. Or the best, drain water down the pipes, hoping that the water would ruin your furnace, and everything else in your house. Have you ever notice that with those subtle voice disturbance, I cannot really concentrate on my work, which stresses me out even more. The cycle rolls on, worsen a bit every time it goes around.

Yes, I know I hear ghost sounds, voices gossiping about my messed-up chaotic life. Can't you see I'm struggling to get rid of them? It's very hard... depict I tried my best to focus on things I'm good at, activities I enjoyed. Recovery is not easy when the participant is only me and myself.


2010/05/22

Quote of the Day

Mind and matter are essentially the same. The field experiences subjectively is the mind, objectively it is the world of material objects.

- Yoga Vasistha

Story | Geometric Tears

Is it because I'm insecure about myself, so I'm sensitive to everything? Including others peeking into my notes and sketches, others seeking advices from their mentors, others making love while I'm sitting next door reading?

Playing and indulging myself with geometric shapes is the only way of comfort. Dealing with various 2D forms is indeed very soothing, very calming.

Tears do drop in a fusion shape of triangle and circle...


2010/05/22

Story | Walk and Talk

If you can walk yourself into something, there must be a way to walk yourself out of it, right?

Remembered what architecture school taught you? You are supposed to know how to talk yourself out of any situation... including self-inflictions. Talking to self under a positive light is much better than walking down under a dark covered alleyway.


2010/05/22

Story | Push and Pull

I'm deciding if I should let you push me to the boundary, tipping myself off the balcony. As I thought I pulled myself away from the edge and built myself some railings with the radiant summer, I'm once again tempted to walk towards to the city...

I should focus on building the sacred architecture, where people can actually utilize a positive space. Of course self-healing and reconciliation too. Believing in what you are doing.


2010/05/22

Opening by Philip Glass

The original music was composed by Philip Glass, now combined with wire frame stimulator graphics for ever better experience. See the youtube link for more details about the performer and artist.

Story | Kamsamnida

This is not the first time. I have encountered similar situations before. People usually just left me, or remained distant away from me. They never cared that much, or they had just given up.

But you are different. You actually stayed with me for so long, even though I was miles away. To my surprise, I actually felt like we had been involved with a quite intense relationship or something. Yet we were not.

I guess this will be the end of it. Thank you for being patient with me. I wish you well in the future.


2010/05/21

Quote of the Day

The value of a personal relationship to things is that it creates intimacy and intimacy creates understanding and understanding creates love.

- Anaïs Nin

Story | Things are funny isn't it VII

You wrote me a letter, listing out all the concerns, problems, things you hate about the volume between us. You also dislike me and my person.

I cannot say this is not funny. Base on my past experiences, if people are not into interacting with another through the virtual world, they would simply not response, and disappear into other bodies somehow.

However you were different. The letter you wrote was in a different language. You left up to me to discover, translate, and read it. It was just hidden somewhere. Why so serious? Board-casting of ideas... Nothing in the imaginary space is real, unless you believe that it is actually there.

You are a very smart and creative person. Translation is an art, a beautiful yet dangerous art.

I, on the other hand, am just a simple yet complicated machine that sometimes go moody and occasionally kick into depression mood. I thought I had told you so? My emotions are not that consistent and stable...

Maybe the understanding of space between us is twisted up. Perhaps the translation had gone wrong. Who knows.


2010/05/21

*Read the previous stories, Things are funny isn't it VI, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2010/06/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-vi.html

Story | Things are funny isn't it VI

Today I have tried instant messaging with my mother on Skype. No she doesn't have MSN. We usually just talk verbally on Skype, with one or two text messages to indicate online status and when to call and stuff. However today was different, mainly because I could not talk much due to a cold.

Surprisingly, through our intense text-based conversation, I noticed a familiarity. Even though English wasn't my native tongue, through out the years of writing essays and instant messaging with friends in English, I've learned to be fluent. But the English-as-a-second-language feeling in the written conversation sparked up the memories of a particular connection I had with someone.

The conversation reminded of you.

2010/05/17

*Read the previous stories, Things are funny isn't it V, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2010/06/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-v.html

Geometry of Circles by Philip Glass

The music was composed by Philip Glass for Sesame Street in 1979. Still amazing after 30 years.

Is it just me or I found this fascinating?
Philip Glass + geometric shapes + rainbow colour = speechless

Quote of the Day

Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: "It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to."

- Jim Jarmusch

Eaux d'Artifice

Beautiful water movements. Beautiful fountains. Beautiful Villa d'Este.

Short film by Kenneth Anger. Summary from youtube:

Eaux d'artifice is a 1953 short film which consists entirely of a woman dressed in eighteenth century clothes, who wanders amidst the garden fountains of the Villa d'Este in Tivoli, Italy, until she steps into a fountain and disappears.

Quote of the Day

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.

- Dorothy Parker

Story | Shaded Courtyard

Sitting underneath the moldy jello mocked up with colour steel toothpicks, I'm wondering if I'm supposed to get inspired by the architecture designed by Alsop. Is it okay if I just sit here and read? Interfaith chapel is not that easy to design.

What is faith actually? The act of believing, hoping something will happen? Or is it similar to doubt, but in a more positive and beautiful language?


2010/05/14

Quote of the Day

When we investigate the invisible mechanics of nature, we find that everything in the universe is directly connected with everything else. Everything is constantly being influences by everything else. No wave of the ocean is independent of any other.

- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

Story | Almost Three Years

The landscape was still the same. It had changed.

The train was crowded. But the passengers were quiet, sleeping traveling time away. University Avenue seemed the same, with more pedestrian crossing buttons on light poles. The flat silver woman was still missing in front of the Court House. Staples and Timothy's were still existing. The lobby had renovated though. The office logo was updated. Mark looked slimmer. It must had been the stress.

I'm glad to know what I'm good at. Not everyone is talented in organizing and managing, you know.


2010/05/14

Story | Things are funny isn't it V

I was supposed to be the gloomy sulky one that no body likes. I dragged onto you for conversation, for comfort. I knew I had ruined my image of being a positive person in front of you. But what can I do? When depression and self-destruction hit you, no one else can stop it.

However I got enlightened by Maria. Maybe ze is the star for the lost in the overflown sea. Perhaps even the mother of all, saving all of us from destruction. Hir mother did not name hir wrong...

Yet now, you are having suicidal thoughts. I hope you were just too drunk and started to speak random things. I hope you were just like me, being inspired by broken abandon buildings, and at the instant wondering how would it feel to fly down the lego mountain of Ryugyong Hotel.


2010/05/10

*Read the previous stories, Things are funny isn't it IV, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2010/04/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-iv.html

Story | Circle

What is a circle? What can it do?

Unification.
Grounding.
Peacefulness.
Constant.
Core with no separation nor distinction.
Self-reflection.
Personal yet collective.
Self-healing.

Engaging.

Acceptance.

Positive space.


2010/05/07

Quote of the Day

Wanting to reform the world without discovering one's true self is like trying to cover the whole world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.

- Ramana Maharishi

Squarepusher - Tommib

Beautiful video.

Story | Library

Out of surprises, this morning I brought myself to a Toronto library by chance. I think the last time I entered and utilized a library in the city of Toronto was probably, like, 10 years ago. This feels weird. Maybe I was constantly thinking of you, as if you are equal to the Toronto library, even though I know the library I'm sitting in right now is not the branch you hang out at.

This library was renovated to a stage where I don't recognize my childhood memories anymore. However the concrete box with the supermarket (well I think it changed from Food Basics to Nofrills) and Walmart are still across from the library, with a dry heated parking lot in between, servicing both complexes. More and more apartments and townhouses surround the little structure filled with books and knowledge.

Wireless internet can only bring you to a limited space.


2010/05/07

Story | Plastic Life

Nowadays people don't like spend time discovering the goodness within others' inner self. As soon as they see the surface, and it is not what they wanted, they turn away and never come back.

This is sad.

Why people are so focused on the shallow outer look?
They might as well date and fall in love with a poster image, or a robot.

Andy Warhol knows us all.


2010/05/05

Story | Third Space

There are always things in life that give you comfort, yet are not necessary good for you.

With the physical distance separating among us, I felt totally safe when I share the details of my life with you. However also because of the remoteness, I lost you to some random person.

I guess you don't win things unless you are willing to risk...


2010/05/05

Quote of the Day

Drag queens are living testimony to the way women used to be to be, the way some people still want them to be, and the way some women will actually want to be. Drags are ambulatory archives of ideal moviestar womanhood. They perform a documentary service, usually consecrating their lives to keeping the glittering alternative alive and available for (not-too-close) inspection.

- Andy Warhol

Story | 6:55am

Damn. The purple bus left right in front of me. Again, as usual. Was it because my current bus is late in the first place? Or that last passenger took too long to board the bus? How about the mandatory stop for all large vehicles before rail tracks?

I hate that long red light. There goes my bus. Fifteen minutes of solitude in the chic pavilion style bus stop, watching the GPS tracking arrival time display board and murmuring about the stupidity of bus connections.


2010/04/29

Story | Torture

It hurts. It hurts. It really hurts.

I've been trying to indulge myself in drawing and painting postcards. I spent all my energy on translating a fantasized dream onto a piece of cardboard, creating a life in an alternative way.

I really don't want to care about your adventures. I really don't want to hear about your ups and downs. I really don't want to know about your dates and bedmates and whoever.

Leave me alone. Can't you see I have suffer enough already?


2010/05/05

Story | No. 902

This is cold. Am I too early? Darn I should of came out later.

The new bus was pretty. The outside was painted in three shades of light blue and white, gradient from the back a deep sky blue colour to pure white in the front. As I boarded the bus, I noticed the entry level was lower than those ones who were in service since ages ago. I guess it gave more accessibilty to wheel-chair or trolley users, and others who could not climb.

You could smell the freshness of the bus. The new plastic odour that would make people complain about. But I loved it - finally the revamp of the transit company arrived to my bus route.

Ding.

I have been a bus rider since high school. The transit system had drastically changed since my first trip. Rapid transit was introduced on major corridors, with honesty-based validating ticket machines to mark fare prior to boarding. More routes were available; connection time and frequency of services were improved. However I don't really live here anymore...

Thank you. I hope the purple hasn't come yet.


2010/04/28

Evolution of Human Beings

The illustration explains all.

Story | Another Spring

There goes April.

I hope I can keep up my blogging,
I hope I can maintain my mostly vegetarian diet,
I hope I can take things lightly, less personally,
I hope I can finish the term without huge troubles,
I hope I can figure out what I'll be doing for the fall,
I hope I can feel better about everything that surrounds me,
I hope I can accept summer's invitation to sunshine...


2010/05/01

Story | Promises

I did it. Once again. I accomplished what I had wanted, envisioning myself doing.

This time is self-destruction, some sort of depression. Permanently destroying my personality, my reputation, my connections, my everything. I had became this anti-social, pessimistic, mad, crazy harsh, negative person.

Well I guess things are not that bad yet - since at the moment I can still openly talk about it. I don't even know if this is good or bad.

Depression is hard to combat. It's a monster that kept on huanting you as soon as you are tiny winy bit down.


2010/04/27

Story | Gemini

Rhianna's Unfaithful is playing on the radio.

I had felt really bad, imagining to play with that other person. I had been questioning myself all the time I could grab onto, wondering was it moral, was it acceptable to seek beyond this dying relationship. I had tried hard to involve with you, but things just were not working that way I envisioned. It seemed the more I wanted to get closer to you, the more repulsion I had received. I had to admit that I couldn't stop thinking about the flirty images, intimate texts, playful exchanges, and wonderful time I had spent with her.

Guilt. Haunted by guilt.

The struggling and grounding were intense and tearing my body apart.
Saying I want to leave was hard. Hurting you was heart breaking.
But I have to do it...


2010/04/24

Quote of the Day

It doesn’t really matter what a person decides to do, or how radically a person plays with gender. What matters, I think, is how aware a person is of the options. How sad for a person to be missing out on some expression of identity, just for not knowing there are options.

- Kate Bornstein

Story | Lost

Over the past two years or so, I have turned into this sulky pessimistic person. Or monster rather. My old self is no longer with us.

I walked myself into a forest.

I do not contain the positive energy that used to be so natural to me anymore. Those were the sweet days - I am the listener, the mood booster, the provider of optimism. However now I am constantly envy and jealous of other people's status, daily lives, achievements, or even the tiniest thing that does not really matter. I cannot stop comparing myself to my friends, whom are:
- involving in a loving relationship with their partner (where I am still grieving over the past and struggling with the present ephemeral),
- starting their wonderful career doing what they enjoy (what am I doing? my work is not recognized, not even by an anonymous blogger),
- living a simple life with a simple mind (I wish I can think like a child, or maybe just be ignorant and pass on problematic issues that does not involve myself directly),
- studying more and more school plus traveling around the world because their parents can support them financially (for me there is already a huge sum of government loan to repay already, don't even mention about flying to Korea and training in Transylvania),
- knowing how they want to proceed with the future (I have dreams, I just do not know if I will have support of any kind)...

Get me out please!

I have been trying to be a good person. Hopefully karma do exist and good things will happen and guide me through the darkness.


2010/04/22

Quote of the Day

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.

- Charles Darwin

Domestic Transformer: 24 Rooms in a Tiny Apartment

As an architecture student who appreciates efficient use and homey-ness of tiny spaces, I want to have a home like Gary Chang's...

During early years in architecture school, my professor from the design studio course always thought I'm not a good designer because I don't give enough space to users and tenants in my visionary projects.

But to grew up in a tightly packed environment described by the architect Gary Chang in the video, it's no wonder that I tend to compartmentalize everything in a small volume without considering personal space and comfort - one learn from what one had lived through after all.

Now the questions...
Are all individuals advantage enough to have personal space? I think this is less in discussion when most people in the particular community are packed like sadines anyway.
Also what are the standards for comfort? Things that are comfortable to one might not be well enough, or actually too good, for another. Different cultures and various living experiences can change the level of comfort one can accept and tolerate.

Story | Capturing Memories within a Floorplan

No matter how hard I tried to focus... I cannot stop the processing. Luckily I am just polylining those spaces. I can't even imagine if I'm doing something that requires brain power. I think I will have a really bad work evaluation.

I wonder what is in your mind right now? You have your exam coming up in less than a week. I hope you are concentrating on it.

Best wishes.

2010/04/19

Quote of the Day

[Transformation] is not the willful attempt to change who and what we are, but the art of becoming who we are.

- Jeffrey Maitland

Story | Ephemeral

I miss you a lot.

However I have to pretend I do not care, and preoccupied myself with other things.

I miss you calling me sweetie and honey.

I miss your frequent online and offline instant messages.

I miss your sexy texts and emails.

It is okay.

Tomorrow will be another day, and I will be good.

2010/04/19

End of Envy, Realization, and Cherish

I've been always envy of what others did or experienced, without noticing the great things I got my hands on or had experienced that people are fond of...

I went to see my friend's recital recently. I never saw her as a pianist; she was my good buddy since early in high school. You know, skipping classes together, going out for bubble tea, chatting until 3am and stuff. At her performance, I was simply shocked. She looked very professional in her beautiful dark navy blue dress, and played many pieces of wonderful music which I couldn't describe nor comment as I'm not familiar with music scores and I was totally sunken into the passionate melodies. But definitely I was surprised by the pianist aspect of her. During her play, with all those powerful notes sipping through my mind, I couldn't stop wondering my current unsuccessful status. I am just a soon-to-be-graduated architecture student, with no wish of working in the architecture field. Even though I have been dipping lightly into graphic arts and photography, I would not say I can take them too seriously and make a living out of them. I should feel bad with my empty accomplishments.

Yet, my friend's younger sister reminded me of something. I was chatting with her during intermission, and she did not recognize me. However as soon as I mentioned my name, she immediately knew I was the one who was working in Shanghai. Wow, even my friend's sibling remembered me for having an internship aboard. Suddenly I felt special, well sort of.

I guess people never realized the stuff they did or things they experienced in their own lives can be extraordinary to others. We always wanted what we don't get. But as soon as you have it, the exoticness evaporates. They will just become part of daily life. The ordinary.

Story | Fruit Stand

Standing here in one of the intersactions at Kensington Market, I realized how you had grown up. I felt like I can relate and understand you slighlty little better... The places that you explored as a teenager. The alleys that you trailed through. Those poles where you parked, and locked your bike before grabbing a fruit from the senior vendor with loose grey hair.

Well, nothing matters anymore. My ashes are spread through the suburban land, forming identical cookies across the expressways.


2010/04/16

Story | Headbands and Jackets

Tonight I saw a pair of couple at Forever XXI. No, it's not my favourite store, but they do occasionally have some goodies I enjoyed. Like the thin brown belt with gold-coloured studs that I bought just now. I mean, thin strips on waists are not really my style, but that pair of pants that had small belt loops needs a new buddy.

I was trying on big satin bows, ribbon knotted, Lady Gaga inspired headbands in front of the mirrors on the art-deco-ish columns. Playing around with stuff that are usually not part of my daily life was delightful. Also my good friend who tried to have devil horns with a wired ribbon bow headband and snapping pictures of each other - it was fun to act like little girls who got super fascinated by their mother or elder sister's closet, no? Also that white silky ribbon bow matched with my fauxhawk hair and brown jacket surprisingly.

* * *

The taller girl was a femme, even though I only saw her back. She had shoulder length brown-dyed course Asian hair, wearing a not too thick headband that was peaking out of her lushy fold of bangs. A medium-sized Louis Vuitton backpack was on her back, lying on top of a red cardigan. The rest, I don't know; they would remained in mystery. The shorter girl was about five inches shorter than the femme. She was kinda boyish. Not exactly, but by instinct I knew she was the more dominate one. A roughly fitted jacket, with tight light turquoise blue suede kinny pants that showed every muscle and lump and scar on her plumpy legs were what my eyes noticed. I grasped the short black but permed curly hair too. The two were browsing then playing around with the wife-beater tank tops in pastel and neon colours on the display tables.

* * *

That couple had reminded me of, umm, something. They resembled the shape and dynamic that I had always wondered about...


2010/04/16

Femininity: A Personal Intepretation

Childhood
My mother was a earthy, natural, butch-like woman. She dislikes fuzzy things. Everything had to be simple and crisp clear. When I was still a kid, my daily-life rarely consisted of any girly things. I begged for long hair, just like the dolls typical girl played with, forever. I envied my classmates from the all girls' catholic school, with their shiny straight hair braided, twisted, and decorated with blue ribbons that matched the school uniforms. My mother told me she did not want to braid my hair, and short hair made everyone's life easier. My sole way of displaying femininity, well girliness at that time, was stripped for convenience. You see I was never a happy kid.

Teenager
Finally I could manage my own belongings. I clad myself with silky long hair with curls that were perfectly styled, natural monochrome make-up, rimless business looking glasses, professional A-line skirts, and black pointy flats. Would people take me as an attractive yet mature young lady? I didn't want to be the sexy, but good enough for those developing young male adults to pay attention to me. Actually, I wouldn't care. They were so immature anyway, only daydreaming and fantasizing about other girls' lacy bras and thong underwear. Yet, I did not get why no one had ever noticed me. A shy, quite intelligent, artsy girl.

Late-teens and beyond
Over with the males. Questioning and conflicting with the morals, girls are apparently attractive too. Hmm, especially boyish butchy ones. They are much softer and more understanding than bio-boys. Also why not go against the majority's view on female attractiveness, and start binding the bosoms? They are really only functional during sexual play anyway.

* * *

I wonder if my life experiences had an effect on my current interpretation of femininity, leaving an impress on my obscure view.

I hate girly females, those ones dancing in the greens with mary jane pumps, flowy skirts and flying scarfs. I would never pity those who twisted their ankle or leg or whatever with their high heels. I think the women who tried to show off their curves are slutty. Yes, I said slutty. I don't care if you are doing this for yourself, or wanting to be objectified by others. I dislike those soft, weak girls that get freaked out and cry easily because of some small thing. Really? The whole act just looks stupid and so pretending to me. If you cry in front of males, maybe they will try their best to help, comfort, or protect you. Me? Go f*ck off. I don't give a damn.

On the other hand, I'm just as stupid as those girls I mentioned above. I am craving to find femininity that works with my own body and mind, and I know I still have a lot to figure out. I strongly discourage the act of being dependent, which is a popular and conventional method of showcasing feminine quality. But am I crossing the line where I'm really just complaining my discomfort because I'm lost? I felt like I have to resculpt the idea of being feminine while not totally trashing my past believes and experiences.

So, what is femininity?

Story | Ctrl, Alt, Shift

Is eating vegetarian a way to have control over my diet?
Is binging my chest a way to gain power to control my body?

I can't control anything that's external, but at least I can make decisions regarding me and myself.
What else am I doing to try to grab control over myself?

I don't want to hurt my body, nor my emotions. Most importantly my heart.

.
.
.

I just want to walk out of the chaos.


2010/04/15

How to Survive under a Patriarchal Society

I actually got the following from a feminist article on Fridae.com (click here for the original article in Chinese). I've roughly translated the Chinese text into English - please excuse me if anything sounds a bit off, which I think it is weird in certain parts.


《如何在男人當家的組織中站穩腳跟》

1、別用男人的標準量自己，要從容不迫，保持個性。
2、胸有成竹再行動，沒信心時也要顯得鎮定。
3、別讓自己疲於奔命、費力不討好，要有尊嚴。
4、遠離蜚短流長，深入認識真相。
5、不要總當跟班，自己要有主意，重要問題別妥協。
6、不要害怕爭論，要據理力爭、以理服人。
7、遇到小人須冷靜，要不卑不亢，委曲求全只能讓對方得寸進尺。
8、不要甘當二等公民或者保姆雜役。
9、不要參與男人的遊戲，更要當心變成男人遊戲中的棋子兒。


How to Survive under a Patriarchal Society

1. Never compare yourself with men. Maintain your own distinctiveness and uniqueness.
2. Only act when you have full confidence to win. Even when you are not so certain at times, remain calm.
3. Don't wear yourself out. Keep your dignity.
4. Drift away from rumours. Go dig for the real truth.
5. Don't just simply follow orders. Have your own opinions. Never compromise on important issues.
6. Don't be afraid of arguments. Use facts to persuade others.
7. Remain calm while defeating sneaky people. Ask them for pity will only let their force grow bigger.
8. Don't volunteer to a second class citizen.
9. Don't get involve with the games of men. Don't be their chess piece.

Story | Black Daffodil

Years had gone by. Time flied.
That song ringed my the ups and downs in the last year of high school.
Hate and love faded.
Memory remained.

Am I still the same person as I was five years ago?
How have I changed, transformed?
What kinds of advice would I tell my 5 year ago self?


2010/04/15

Quote + Art of the Day

Quote from Craig Thompson's Blankets. (No, I haven't read the the book. I just found the quote from somewhere.)

Story | Chimneystack Road

The sunrise shoots eye-glaring light into the awakening world.

Trees masked. Numerous arms casting their soft darkened shadows onto the green.

A child banged on a building sign pole. Creation of Clear pure tones, echoing withing the appeared to be harsh and cold metal tube.

First day of ballet flats after prolong seasons; the feet are touching the blemishes and scars of the eroded pavement, a souvenir left by the winter.

My stoned heart is slowly chiseling into pieces.

Morning walks had never been so pleasant before.


2010/04/14

Binders

When people hear the term binder, most would think of the folder with rings or clasps for organizing loose paper.

For me, what comes in mind is a garment that binds my chest into a flat landscape... and I am hoping that it will symbolically organize my thoughts on the meaning of being a female.

* * *

If an individual looks ambiguous at the initially look, majority of people would stare down on the person's chest area to see if there are female second sexual characteristics, or boobs, so they can label the person as female or male.

There is also another type of people that would aim straight to female bosoms. Those disgusting perverted men. Those who tried to stare right down your neckline, ripping the shirt open mentally.

* * *

I feel very uncomfortable when people oogle at me, especially my upper body. Yes I have lady lumps. No, I don't want to show them off. Go buy a Playboy magazine and satisfy your visual experience. I don't even want to reveal my curves at all. I only want to keep them for play with my partner in our room in private. For the rest of the time, I just want to keep them neatly binded flat.

* * *

I cannot stop thinking why I think like this. Am I obscurely brainwashed by the awkward believes and culture that I was brought up with? Why am I binding my chest just because I don't want other to look at it? But isn't that just oppressing myself and not being a feminist? Isn't that a trap, and patriarchy is taking its chance to suppress me?

What about the society's view on females not having significant upper chest areas? Does that mean those women are unattractive? But all those high fashion models are pretty much flat too. Will I get alienated if I say I want to be identify as female, but I want a chest flat? Am I abnormal? What is normal anyway, the say of the majority?

Yet on the other hand... what is the purpose having breasts actually? Are they for display, for pleasure, or for what?

Quote + Art of the Day

Story | Asylum

Just let me die. It is very horrible to go through all of there experiences. So many things to dump on you, to make you miserable, to kill you. Please just let me go. I beg.

I want to see nothing.

I want to heard nothing.

I want to say nothing.

Is there a place where nothing need to be considered? Is there a land of totally freedom, where no worries nor oppressions ever existed?


2010/04/12

(Re)claiming Public Spaces

All public spaces are assumed, or assigned, to be hetero spaces. They were never meant to be for queers. Buses, parks, streets, subways, cinemas, shopping malls... are all for heteros only. Queers are redirected to present in alleyways, the dark hidden corners of the city.

Queer individuals are not supposed to publicly display their affections to each other in this hetero-sexist city. Their actions of love will scare and piss off the self-elevated majority, the normals.

Now how sad is this? When can we end the exile journey of the queers?

Quote of the Day

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

- James Baldwin

Story | Pinhead

The headache is painful. There are millions of drills digging into the sponge, sending vibrations back and forth between the walls of the skull.

I had wished I have more sleep. Sleep usually cures everything.


2010/03/26

Story | It's a Small World (After All)

Our bubble is tiny. I know you and you know her and she knows me.

It's a world of laughter, A world of tears. It's a world of hopes, And a world of fears. There's so much that we share, That it's time we're aware, It's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

There is just one moon, And one golden sun. And a smile means, Friendship to every one. Though the mountains divide, And the oceans are wide, It's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

Creepy.

Well, I guess goodness does spread around.

However I think I will run to asylum instead.


2010/03/23

Quote of the Day

How satisfying it is to leave a mark on a blank surface. To make a map of my movement - no matter how temporary.

- Craig Thompson, from the graphic novel Blankets

Quote + Art of the Day

Story | Come back please

Torn. Torn torn apart.

The sheet of paper is being crushed and crumbled and teared into pieces.

Down into the drain, with the flush of rain.

I hope you return to me soon. Without you my external communication to the world will be gone forever.


2010/03/22

Story | It's not too late

There are too many regrets, too many missed and wasted opportunities in life.

I just want to cry all day long, grieving over chances that I had neglected and ignored.

What can I do now? Time had solidified as history, and spaces were long gone into memory.

Try to chase back the missing pieces that slipped away. Catch up with the current and flow with it.


2010/03/21

Story | Beautiful

Modern ruins are beautiful.

Abandoned love are beautiful.

People who are left behind are beautiful.


2010/03/21


**For more visual representations, please check here: http://www.thecoolist.com/abandoned-places-10-creepy-beautiful-modern-ruins/

Quote + Art of the Day

Wonderful quote from Andy Warhol.


So true, so true. Nothing can go wrong, in fact everything can be perfect, in all fantasies.

Story | Commitment

Why are all of us afraid of commitments? Is it because we don't want to hurt others, and don't want others to hurt ourselves?

I think that is why neither of us are doing anything productive, not willing to risk.

Let's hope one day both of us will be willing to step up, risk being hurt, and commit to various things.


2010/03/21

Story | Quadruple Sigh

There are just things in the world which we can never get.

She is fluent in your native tongue, where I only knew maximum of three words in your language.
She is soft and passive and pretty. I am none of the above.
She is close to you, within reachable distance. Me? All the way across the pacific ocean.
She has a similar background as you, at least there won't be a cultural difference. Us? Maybe the next life.

I just realized I am no good.


2010/03/15

Story | Things are funny isn't it IV

I simply stepped into your shoes, at the exact same position. I made the same mistake that you had made on me a while back, to someone else.

I dislike the fact you were so serious and well-planned for our future, while I was really just going with the flow, unsure of what would happen. And now, I had turned into you, having my plans well organized. She became me, who was quite paranoid by the non-shared believes about the future.

I hope you are doing well. I hope I will be doing well too.

2010/03/11

*Read the previous stories, Things are funny isn't it III, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2010/03/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-iii.html

Story | Reoccurance

I thought I was done with that. However now there is this.

MESS.

I never used to think that I would bring in so much distubance to my little suburb life. You know, no working overtime, no one bothering you at home, no nothing. Yet things just spark up themselves. The mind of thought. The mind of wondering things that do not matter.

I should stop myself, before I decide to do things that are even more hurtful to the soul in order to cure the previous traumatic incidents.

2010/03/11

Sounds familiar?

Story | The Haircut

Who do people have to care when I decided to cut my hair? Does it even matter? I don't want it long, or in fact, medium length. It bugged me, okay? You might miss my hair, but I don't. I want it to be shorter so I can fool people. So I can make other people think I'm strong, rational, and rigid. I want people to believe that I'm a powerful individual who doesn't give any shit on things that can harm or destroy me.

Hair cutting is a symbolic act of letting go of the past, leaving certain memories behind, dropping baggages down at where they supposed to go, and heaing oneself to the whole.

2010/03/11

Story | Transformation of Dreams

Funny funny funny.

Last night I had a dream about you sneaking into my house, surprising me in the bedroom with a hug. You had convinced your parents about your decisions, and finally came here for me. Even my parents knew about it, just not me.

Tonight, you told me we should just be friends. Nothing else. What? Are you serious? Did I push you too hard?

But yes, things that happened in dreams do happen. Except most of the time they occur in the opposite way. Like positive will turn out to be negative.

2010/03/10

Story | I know you hope this is not true

You should of expected this. You knew it all along. Didn't you learn from experience? This would never last. It won't go beyond the ambiguous stage. Stupid idiot. Why can't you just stop yourself from doing so? You know it would cause trouble. Stabbing gazillions of pins into the little red heart. I mean, HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THIS? I don't feel sorry for you, you stupid moron. Trying to game in the world hurts while you can't afford to take whatever the consequences are. You knew it at first that you are not this type of people. But you still stuck your entire body into the mess. Poor you. But I still don't have any sympathy for you. YOU ARE STUPID to get yourself into this type of trouble. Are you really prone to them? They are bad for you! WAKE UP. Where is the smart rational emotionless girl that I used to see everyday? Common. You are do better. You are a desirable attractive person, wanted by people. It's just... you haven't discover them yet. Spend more time finding the nice persons, and not indulge yourself into things you can never get. I can only offer you a hug but that's it. See the reality.


2010/03/10

Story | Sponge that was made out of glass

It hurts a lot.

It feels like a big sharp knife jamming right into the center of my beating heart, with huge drops of lemon juice and vinegar dripping onto the cut...

I wish I can take everything lightly, and let go of things I cannot control.
But I am programmed to function in jealousy, under the constant disturbance of imaginary enemies.

I need to calm my heart. Freezing it to protect it from all harms.


2010/03/10

Revenges might be positive afterall.

Sometimes I wonder if I did all of this just for the purpose of revenge.
But I don't even know what or who am I revenging against... myself perhaps?

Actually this is okay. The whole event or incident might started off as some sort of revenge, as a coping skill to make yourself feel better, but eventually it will become a part of an adventure in your life time. Experiences rule.

So where ever life brings you, it should be at least interesting, if not eye opening.
Enjoy the moment and live out the best.

Quote + Art of the Day

So stop worrying about things that are beyond your control.
Work on how to cope, how to make yourself feel better, or how to alternate the situation with your own effort.

Artificial Coincidences

Coincidences occur often. I mean, won't it be nice to bump into your eye-candy in the stairs when you have a deadline to rush? Just like a little energy boost (or the extreme opposite as the eye-candy person would see you in your shitty clothes and tired face, but we'll save that for another time). But there are also times where one party creates coincidence on purpose. Things would seem wow it's such a coincidence! But actually it is artificial. Things don't just happen for no reason, There is always an initiation point or origin of some sort. Then people form an apparent coincident.

I don't believe in coincidences anymore.

Maybe that's not a good idea.

Good coincidences supposed to make one feel good.

Not the opposite.

Re-routing of Buses

I had quite a weird, yet familiar dream. I got picked up, traveled around, and dropped off by the bus I take to commute from my home to the outside. Yet in the dream, the bus wasn't running on the current route that it takes... It was traveling in unknown suburb avenues and streets, providing the passenger with no idea where they are as all the houses looked the same. The street facades seemed very familiar, but were they simply a composite of the dream, or they actually existed for a period of time, yet got erased as the suburb community developed and the bus service got re-routed?

I had a drawer inside the built-in closet in my room that is dedicated to bus tickets and bus transfers. There were a number of different designs of transfer slips, from the town/region that I live in. There were also some long distance travel bus tickets, dating from a few years ago. It is fascinating to think about how my community has developed over the past 10 years... Now I really hope that I would be able to find a bus schedule or bus route map somewhere in my house, one that was dated back years ago, particular my high school years, to see how the bus route has transformed as more and more cookie-cutter houses are being plotted.

The rapid transport system also had erased my high school memories. I used to get off the first bus at one corner of the intersection, then walk across one road to get the second bus' bus stop. However now, they had changed the locations of the bus stops, making me cross two times on the busy roads. There goes my memory of carrying a large portfolio, walking along with speeding vehicles to catch the bus to school...

Oh, did I mention the rapid transport system now had redirected me from passing by my high school if I'm traveling towards the subway station? They decided to route around the intersection where my school is to relieve the crazy traffic in rush hour. Of course I know that area has the busiest traffic and the worst congestion, yet now, I could only pass by the place filled with memories under rare occasion. Maybe the avoidance was a good idea after all, so memories of those years, that place, and the things that happened would not get override in my head.

It is very sad that the memory of my first bus rides in this town were overwritten by my now everyday commute routine. I want to recollect the memories of my past, the early memories of this forever growing community... yet unable to trace back everything as I cannot pause, nor stop myself from intaking new information every second.

Highspeed Drift by Gary War

I can't stop listening to Gary War's stuff after my friend mlex sent me the following video. Cute triangles too ∆ ∆ ∆

Check out Gary War here: http://www.myspace.com/garywargarywar

Story | Pandora's Box

Tears accumulated inside the brain, yet not a drop can dispanse itself out from the tear duct out onto the plump face. Invisible construction workers are hammering down on the skull, causing each nerve to scream and yell until death.

I slept so much, over twelve hours. Yet none of it helped with the chaotic situation. The bees still pinch around my temples, slowly bringing me into the void of paranoid. All I can do now is to document, to express all my pain and anger and frustration and sadness into a space.


2010/03/06

Be yourself. F*ck the gender stereotype.

I had forgotten where I found this, but READ it.


Just be yourself.
Love yourself for who you are.

Story | I Saw Her

In ways we are all creepers, stalkers, or put it in a nice way, "information grabbers."

I saw your most recent ex-girlfriend in the hallway today. I recognized her with her distinct facial features, the short cropped hair, and just that coy face which I know you liked a lot. Of course, she would have not notice me, nor know my existence. But I certainly heard of her form you, followed her writing and images on that little special tumblr space, and see through her on facebook.

Yes, I admitted I am quite a creepy person. However I cannot stop myself from wanting to know everything related to you. And that obviously included the people who were involved in your life in the past.

I hope one day a person I enjoy will secretly stalk me too. Won't it be such an interesting experience to have a jealous body who wants to dig more about you and your life?

2010/03/04