Life of Modern Women?

I found this article when I was browsing and reading news on HK Yahoo. I'm pretty disappointed at the fact that 20% of Hong Kong people still believe that mothers should take care of the children's daily necessities while fathers shouldn't involve. I guess the coping solution to this dilemma for most women nowadays is to manage their limited time well between work and family.

But seriously, at least at this moment of life, I wouldn't agree to go through this splitting-up-the-time-into-two-parts thing.

The original post is located here: http://hk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/myself/career/article.html?id=art_49d1cd0d

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置身陰盛陽衰的辦公室
撰文：sir pan, 03/31/2009

現今社會倡導男女平等，但似乎是主觀願望，無論在工作上或者平日生活，總會出現不公平現象。根據婦女事務委員會(婦委會)早前委託顧問公司，於 2009年1月至2月期間，就性別議題觀念訪問了1530名15歲或以上人士，約20%同意「照顧子女的日常生活是媽媽的工作，不是爸爸的工作」，可見社會上「男主外，女主內」的觀點依然根深蒂固。已婚女性要工作更必須要比男性負起多一個角色，要兼顧家庭及事業。所以，時間管理方面需要更有掌握，否則吃力不討好，影響工作表現及團隊效率。

公私兩忙 管理時間要好

身為美容公司的市場總監Helen是最典型的職業女性，每天都忙得不可開交，她說：「早上我會回到位於尖沙咀的公司，它主要是提供女性護理療程例如 facial、水療及按摩等，通常我會與治療師們溝通、編排schedule，或者安排美容師做training提高技巧等，間中亦會和管理層商討舖內不同的事宜，有時細緻到如加添那種香薰、員工制服的加減甚至清潔用品都可能兼顧到，一直忙到大概七點鐘我就回家休息。」

有不少男士都不喜歡伴侶太過投入工作，甚至為伴侶超越自己而感到不舒服。對此Helen認為：「女性是需要工作的，否則會覺得生活苦悶又頹廢，但因為要兼顧家庭，所以要懂得如何分配時間。以我自己為例，星期一至五由朝早十點到晚上七點，都是工作時間，但七點半後我一定會在家，照顧小朋友及溫習功課等，直到十點他上床睡覺，每天我便是把握用當中那兩個半小時和他傾偈交流，因為只要一星期沒和孩子溝通，就會發覺他們變化得很快的了，哈哈！」

Helen亦坦然表示：「其實自己也不算是及格的媽媽，每天只有一點時間陪兒子，所以在週末、日我通常會盡量全日陪著他，公司員工都暸解我的時間表，也盡量不會在這些家庭日聯絡我談公事。」

現代社會傳統思想

上述調查亦顯示，「女性不應該做傳統男性的工作」如建築工人或消防員等亦觀念得到大比數認同。Helen則認為不論男女，大家都應該放開懷抱改變觀念，她說：「女性應該可以做到傳統男性的工作，雖然男人一般氣力較大，但發覺女性的忍耐力及EQ其實是會較男性高，可能因為女性的身體可以承受到分娩的痛楚，生過BB的女人都會知道那種痛楚是達到“十級程度”，我相信男人是會無法忍受的，所以就這一點已可以證明女性也能夠勝任傳統男性的工作。」

在社會巨輪下女性已擔當重要角色，面對女上司的管治下，男性應該如何應付？女性應該怎樣配合？是值得思考的課題。

Story | Puzzle Playing

The stack of paper keeps on towering. As high as the freedom tower. More information comes in, more things get piled up.

Why are the little things finding each other in the middle of nowhere and merging together and forming a scary hungry person? I know I cannot put the blame on anyone else but myself. Yet I can't control myself from stalking you. The little pieces of information about you and your life and your everything else are very tempting. They are destroying my good person. I wish I've little keys to open your multiple little rooms, then I can stop the action of creeping all over you.

Everything will be okay. Trust me and trust yourself. Bubbles will burst one day eventually. Then all the baggage will be dropped, down to no man's land and you'll be free.


03/22/09

Observation on Chest-Binding vs. Identity

As I recently got a chest-binder, I started to research about the garment online. Through going onto Chinese lesbian forums and reading blogs written by local lezzies, I knew in Asia (well China and Hong Kong are the ones I had closely observed personally) the chest-binders are targeted to and often worn by Ts [1]. However, when I googled through English-oriented search sites and came back with results that originated from Western countries mainly, I found the binders are more likely to be worn by transgender-identified individuals rather. This is really intriguing... I can't stop thinking if this is because most Western societies are years ahead in the LGBT movement, and people had gone way beyond the butch/femme role playing thing back in the 60s? Now there are much more classification on identities, such as futch, bois, etc, with new ones showing up everyday. Also transgender are not to be grouped with sexuality, but under gender rather. On top of that, I notice lots of individual would simply go under the grand umbrella of queer, or in fact they choose to not label themselves at all. I'm wondering if the difference on how people label themselves occured observed between the two cultures merely because Asia is still under development on fully-understanding gender, sexuality and related subjects? Or people in Asia are just more into the butch/femme scenes? And what about Chinese queer people, are they truly enjoying their labels of being either femme or butch?

With these question (and this topic in general) popping up in my head every morning, I can say I'm not happy with the binary classification within lezzies in China. If you must force me into the division of butch and femme, I would say I contain the quality of both yet not really both. I just want to be who I am, and I don't really want to stuck with a label. Life is hard to get by here in Shanghai - you would often get questioning looks, from your lovely group of lezzies themselves, wondering if you are T or P [4] or an alien. If I ever have an eye contact with you, I would silently say f*ck you in my heart.

Note:
1. T = in this context T doesn't refer to testosterone - but tomboy [2], the more masculine role within the pool of lalas [3]; similar to butch in English, yet does not necessary equal to butch in full extent (more close to baby dyke)
2. tomboy = in China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan, it is a term that's often referring to butch lesbians; unlike its Western definition, tomboy in this context does not hold the simple meaning of girls who dress like boys, regardless of their sexual orientation; it is also known as tb, for short, in Hong Kong culture
3. lala = 拉拉, a more casual word for lesbian in Chinese
4. P = the word/letter for femme in mainland China

* * *

And to treat you for reading the entire article, here's a bonus - 2 digital illustrations dedicated for chest-binding.

traditional way of chest-binding with bandages

relative-newly-developed chest-binding tank tops

Typealyzer!!!

Through a blog post (click here to read) on afterellen.com, I discovered Typerlyzer - an online application which analyzes the persona of the bloggers by their writing styles. Go to http://www.typealyzer.com/ right now and insert the blog link.

Of course, the first link I ran through is my own. And here's the results:

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

I guess I should say that's wonderful?! And I'm not surprised?!

Blue Jeans by Ladytron

Yes this is another song by Ladytron. Another favourite of mine. A song from a while back.

Check out Ladytron here: http://www.myspace.com/ladytron

Story | Things are funny isn't it II

Can I yell up into cosmos space and down into time to everyone and every possible thing that I HATE YOU? I'm glad that you finally talked to me after ages. Now at least I knew you are alive, not dead. But, indeed, I am very tired from this amusement park day trip. Just as I was almost ready to get off the ride and go enjoy some tea, the gears started running and the roller coaster was moving again. What the hell? Dizziness is exploding and tiny little needles are invading my brain. Thanks.

You asked me if I was okay over the past 40 days. Of course I'm. I'll always be. If I'm that prone to earthquakes, I don't think I will be bouncing around anymore. I would totally transport myself back to the solvent and never see you ever after. On the other hand I was worried about you. It's well-known that this isn't your first time transferring your machine back and forth between the heart and the factory. Don't bring yourself into exhaustion, okay? You have to promise me.


03/22/09

*Read the previous story, Things are funny isn't it I, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2009/03/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-i.html

Story | Things are funny isn't it I

Your decisions surprised me. Your actions shocked me. I didn't expect it coming (or subconsciously I did not want to know as my little glass house is collapsing already). However, if I think of it logically, your entire project is absolutely normal and understandable. I mean, I cannot judge you. Even I did it myself. In fact in a much more intense way than you did, involving with further distances and much longer duration. But of course, mine was a mistake. An oversighted decision made at a time when I was hallucinating in More's utopia. And I'm paying for it physically. Right now.

I seriously don't want to wish you well; secretly I hope yours will actually progress downward and end like mine too. Because your success would break my heart deeply. But I will do it anyway because I know that is what you wanted and I don't want to see you sad.

* * *

Karma do exist. If you did something to someone, the same thing will happen to you. Same application for both good things and evil things. May reducing the creation of unhappiness brings a relatively acceptable life in the near future.

Remember the occurrence of karma and be a good person.


03/14/09

Story | The Knot

I couldn't believe myself being jealous of a teddy bear. Yes, a soft and plushy teddy bear. I think I just cannot get over this fact. Why? Why a teddy bear? Why why why? That makes me feel stupid and sad. I know I can't blame it on you and your love with a plush toy, but I did abandon my cardboard-made teddy bear for you. I chose you over it. The corrugated cardboard looked stiff and I know it would be decent as a shelter until the rain is here. Often I wonder why can't I just be happy and satisfied with the paper product for now? Is it because cardboards are 2-dimensional and you are 3D? Or maybe you have eccentric qualities that cardboards don't carry. Umm, what else? I don't know. The question is still under research and yet to be explore. In terms of me, well, I like to pursuit things rather than being offered. I tend not to cherish the easily acquired ones. This might contribute to the mess. And probably I knew the rain would come eventually and I don't want myself to be caught under the wet cardboards too. Also I can become very emotional, upset rather, on things that I will never able to get. I like difficulty, you know? Things are funny isn't it. I hope one day I can write a thesis regarding this entire situation.

I'm glad (and I should be happy too) that you enjoy your plushy teddy. Life in the seems-familiar-yet-foreign world is not going that great. At the present I'm mourning over everything - my not so smart decisions, my stupidity, and my cardboard teddy. Sleep well.


03/14/09

Air and Kilometers by Kaki King

Kaki King is amazing. The music video for Air and Kilometers is amazing too.

Check out Kaki King here: http://www.myspace.com/kakiking

Yellow, Black, and Purple

Over the past week I've made a few fashion splurges (not exactly a huge amount, but considering I haven't spend any money on clothing since I arrived Shanghai, this past week was pretty crazy), but I don't regret at all. They made my day and night and week and month. Also please ignore the wrinkly black/grey gridish background behind the items - it's just my quilt cover in case you are wondering.

First is a H&M yellow/beige/black spring scarf. It's 130RMB (CDN$24, which I think it's a bit pricey), but I've been thinking about it for a few days and then decided I should get it. The design is like yellow, beige and black threads woven together making squarish shapes (this is a bad description). And of course, my darling scarfy did not disappoint me. I know this sounds like bullshit, but I do feel much happier while wearing it and it gave me strength to get through my boring work days. Yellow is a great colour to get yourself cheer up and it does spread hidden power within your entire body. Should of discover the greatness of yellow earlier... maybe I would be a more cheery person. Nevertheless, I love my scarfy and she loves me too!


Second is a black chest-binding vest by Esha (check out their Taiwan/International website in Chinese by clicking here), 148RMB (CDN$27, which I think it's not expensive because the bras that I usually get in Hong Kong are like CDN$45 each) I know most of you are wondering why the hack would I buy a chest-binding top. Well if others feel like wearing push-up bras to feel better about themselves, why can't I wear push-down ones? In fact this top works like a regular tank top too - I don't even need another layer on top of the undergarment. It's like 2-in-1! Also, flattening my bust area I do feel more safe and I don't have to worry people staring at (and possible sexualizing) my chest and me as an object. The vest is also very comfortable and easy to wear with the velcro strip. (I haven't tried ACE bandages but I can say for sure this is million times better.) I feel like my back is being straighten (I have very bad postures) and I actually feel less hurting and tiring on my shoulders and back while wearing this versus my regular bras. However, the material consists of 92% polyester and 8% spandex, I'm not sure if it will make me stink in the summer. And I do have lots of lovely clothes that won't look great with a flatter chest... so I think I'll only wear this vest occasionally depending on my mood.


Third and the last item is a grey/navy blue/purple summer skirt from FCUK. I wasn't planning on getting it initally, but since they had my size (it's rare during sales time) and it's only 180RMB (CDN$33) deducted from the original price of 599RMB (CDN$109)... It doesn't hurt that much if I buy it, right? (Oh what an excuse.) Actually this is available in another colour with golden yellow/brown/light beige, but I fell for the purple and its combination with the grey and navy blue in this one. Very pretty pattern with organic plants and stripes in hexagons, kinda like seeing through a kaleidoscope. The skirt fitted me quite nicely as well (since it was on sale so I couldn't try it in the store). I can't wait until it's warmer so I can wear it out.

So my week was all about buying stuff (and contributing to the consumer culture... sigh). How was yours? Any splurges recently, so I can feel less guilty?

Androgynous and Proud

Our society likes to categorize and generalize people into either male or female, but there's more than that. One example is androgyne, which is a perfect mix of the two.

Just be who you are. Be proud of it.

Reid Chocolates

As I mentioned before (click here to see), little things can stir up a tornado.

* * *

Half a pound of chocolates sitting inside the little white cardboard container had traveled around in several cities. Probably more than you do. Cambridge, Toronto, Hong Kong, Shanghai. Too bad it will end its trip here though.

I finally opened the box of chocolates that I've brought all the way from Canada. Dark assorted. It was sitting in my fridge for 3 months already, waiting to be opened and consumed. I never liked the milk ones. They are too sweet.

Strangely as I ate the different pieces, memories of Cambridge came back. Not one is the same in the box. I only took 4 this time. I think I will save the rest for later. Now I'm wondering which part of the Cambridge memory did I just eat? The multi arts centre on Yonge and Gerrard with all those MoMA pop art and dancing girls and Ellesworth Kelly's Spectrum IV on a super saturated rainbowy giant section? Or was it the scaffold pavillion with cheesecloth and studio chairs backings and my back didn't really function for a week? May be it was the ephemeral shifting womb-like cloud? What? I don't remember exactly. I just consumed them, no? Things will be digested and poop out and go into sewage, right?

Cambridge has hausted me for various reasons in the past few years. Well one is the entire architecture school thing. But for now I'm physically out of there for at least a year, hopping between bright lights big cities, so it shouldn't be that bad. Another one is the people that I've met and the events that happened. Liquid eye-wash that you find in highschool chemistry classrooms or even professional labs won't help. Trust me. Things you witnessed, or actually participated in, will never turn away. They might become pixelated as time shifts and transformation occurs, but those photographs and videos and things in other mediums will be forever stored in the little comparment. Maybe I'll upload them onto youtube one day when I'm all enlightened and caked up. For now I think I will just filter out the junk and unimportant and sad ones. Only retrieving the wonderful experiences is good enough. Leave the trash for the garbage truck to pick up if they ever come.

Playgirl by Ladytron

I'm not a big fan of this music video, but the song itself is lovely. I can't stop playing it on repeat.

Check out Ladytron here: http://www.myspace.com/ladytron

Story | N-dimensional Space

You have taken me to a totally new dimension. I have never really step into this nD space before. Previous in knowing you, I knew such space exist but I chose to keep a distance away from it - I thought I knew a lot already and I do not need the knowledge of the beyond. Of course not, now I think of it. I'm such an ignorant individual, although I'm trying to evolve into this better person. But being politically correct all the time is hard. It is tiring. The situation is no matter how your opinions are like, someone is going to get offended and hurt. This is difficult. But I'll keep in mind because I want to respect people like you. You, acting like a mentor, brought me lots of new knowledge and I feel I have advanced in the speed of light years. I promise I will spread your words around by understanding the importance of the issue and eventually educating others with all the things I learned from you. Thank you for bringing up my mind of awareness.


03/07/09

200 Pounds Beauty

Many of you know I'm pretty outdated on so-called "popular" stuff. The past Sunday I finally watched 200 Pounds Beauty (2006, South Korea). Yes I'm 2 years late. Whatever.

It's funny because the movie and its theme songs reminded me the time when I was very into Korean entertainment and culture years ago (hey, there was sort of a reason for it. I was curious to know more as a lot of non-Koreans thought I'm Korean! My tiny eyes are just a stereotype... geez. Plus all the Korean girls are so pretty nowadays. I don't resemble them at all, not even close, okieee?). I was doing my first work term on main campus, and all I did for free time during that 4 months was to watch (not so new) Korean dramas and movies. Then on every weekend I would stopped by Finch Station to go home (I haven't discover the greatness of Go Train at that time yet). I also went singing Japanese and Korean karaoke with my high school night-class classmates in K-Town and ate yummy authentic Korean barbecue with my family at that restaurant on the SW corner of Finch and Yonge. And one thing irrelevant to any of the above - I permed my long hair the first time that term. It's weird to think that now I've straight short hair. Those few months were like a dream, floated by and gone. However I'm glad I did got over the want-for-cosmetic-surgery period. At that time I did thought of having my eyes done by making them a bit bigger, not double eyelid nor doll-like though, but depuffing and elongating them so they look less kiddish and better looking visually yet maintaining my signature features (my eyes will turn into lines when I smile, and apparently many people remembered me because of that). Fortunately I discovered the magic of bold acrylic glasses soon enough (well I kinda know it all the way since early high school) to save myself from going under the knife.

Anyway, enough mention of my memories and past struggles. While watching the movie, I really enjoyed one of the theme songs, Maria, sang by the main lead Kim Ah Joong herself. But soon I realized the song was actually a Korean adaptation of Blondie's Maria. No wonder it sounded familiar... Here's the Korean one clipped from the movie:

And Blondie's version:

Check out the plot summary and review of 200 Pounds Beauty by clicking here.

Disintegration of Persistence of Memory

My new cellphone background image:


The Disintegration of the Persistence of Memory
Salvador Dali
oil on canvas, 1952-1954

Story | That Summer

It had been 2 years since we held hands traveling inside the creepy forest at that very late night. Do you recall the time we trespass through the wild grass, fighting our way out into the city lights? The memory was so sweet and romantic. We had candles in our hand to lite our path and on the way we chatted about our future and everything happening in our life. Friends following behind us giggled as we locked our fingers out with each other's hand not noticing the presence of everyone else. Your palm was so soft and warm. Your cheekbones were flushing with a pink glow. The redness decided to sip through your pale translucent skin shyly and say hi to me. They were adorable.

Oh, remember the Kongming lantern that we sent out together on the river's edge? We wrote our wishes on the paper with water-based markers and set it free. The flames burned on and brought the lantern up into heavens in front of our eyes. May desires come true. Then we went on cuddling on your new couch while watching Eternal Summer with your laptop on the coffee table. I wonder if your cushions are squishy and plushy still?

Even now I remembered the first time I saw you. Your charcoal brown hair and greenish hazel eyes which you inherited from your Eastern European grandparents made you stood out from the crowd. Your tiny and curvy waist forced my eyes to pay attention to it. Did you know it was so hard for me to not think of you? The goddess that arrived from the Black Sea, whispering foreign words to me. I know it wasn't French, but something else. Not that it mattered anyway. Your voice invaded my little world.

* * *

At that time I did feel bad for the trail of footprints that we made to our nature. Also for our irresponsible disposal of the big paper lantern wherever it landed. But never mind for now. They probably dissolved away already, just like our ribbon bow untied over time.

Not long ago you accused me of believing that you are a boy. No, you weren't and aren't. I never thought of you as one. Not even close. If you are I don't think I would ever response nor react this way. Like thinking that person must be your new girlfriend when I saw you walking closely together with your new neighbour. (I'm sorry.)

You are always so beautiful, even when you are exhausted. I miss you. I still love you.
As a good friend of yours.


03/10/09

Story | Digestion

I see nothing I hear nothing I say nothing. I do eat however.

I remembered that party vividly for some reason. Maybe because I was Andy's superstar. For a night. You tried to push everyone down onto the stage as if you were going to electrify them with your glaze shielded in greenish grey shades. And if the platform was too busy itself, your ever changing mood of that split second would make you forcing your objects, or toys rather, onto the floor. Even the queen with her 6-inches high shiny vinyl peek-toe heels. You know, she told me a month afterward during a causal dinner that she didn't really appreciate that you did this to her. She was the queen! The mother of all! For a night. Everyone should respect her as she was so glamorous with her dazzling diamonds and sexy lingerie.

Regarding the cotton candy... It was very attractive and yummy, no? You consumed it when that kid (the one who bought in the candy in the first place, if you even recognized there's such a person) went away to play because school was over. Oh, you don't have to make excuses. Unnecessary, really. There were lots of cameras witnessed your naughty action of tearing pieces of bubbly pink fluffy cloud with your fingers and deliciously inserting them into your mouth. You made many jealous. The cotton candy just melted within your sphere, slipping onto your black linen and leaving shimmering sparkly sugar stains. But... but I thought you don't like sweets? I was quite confused at that time. Yet ultimately I chose to swallow the documentary that I self-directed and produced. My intestines got sick for a while. Weird.


03/09/09

The Letter "A"

The alphabet A has its superior place out of the other 25 letters for me. Words that starts with an A makes me pay more attention to them. Girls and boys with A in their initials attracts me. The physical shape of letter A is simply beautiful. Anyway, the following are a few of my favourite A words.

Ambiguity
Well this one it's more like I love it and hate it. Being ambiguous allows me to escape from certain possibly-embarrassing situations and protect myself, but it also drains out my energy. Actually it is awfully unpleasant most of the time. It's like, are we or are we not? Am I or am I not. Of course, I can't complain right now because I did use and apply the term up to a certain degree on others. What can I say? It's karma. I can only expect things come around back to me. Seeing or displaying various shades of a tone is pretty, but it is ultimately hurtful for the soul. So practice ambiguity precisely and discretely.

Androgyny
Very attractive, no matter girls or boys. Maybe andro girls are better andro boys, since most lovely boys that I'm interested in are gay (no dissing here - I'm just heartbroken all the time when I know the cuties won't love me back for sure). To start practicing androgyny from nothing is hard. Your character has to build up since childhood. You have to embed qualities of the other genders (genders compost of not just female and male, it's more diverse than that), and blending it with your own gender (which can really be anything by your standards). Some people might do it fashion-wise, while others express through their personality and characteristics. It's really up to you and whomever is attracted to you.

Andy Warhol
AHHHHHH. No further explanation required. I can write posts forever and ever regarding those two words together or separately. I can drown you into a can of soup. I'm serious.

So... what is your favourite A word?

Labels and Complications

I'm not ready to identify as a woman yet. The word woman sounds too serious. Plus the stigma that involves behind it - with many others contributing their ideals regarding one being a "woman" in today's patriarchal society. Being girl seems easier, as most people understand the term as a kid/juvenile, which put less responsibility on one. But many still have certain expectations. Lots of rules too. What to do and what not to do. How to react and how not to react. Is being female wrong after all? Maybe we all are not meant to be born and live. And suffer through all these patriarchal crap.

Actually I don't know how to describe myself in one single word. My self identification will be a bunch of words put together in an ultra complex paragraph that will put you to sleep. I'm a person who loves to analyze and breakdown things into categories and compartmentalize them into bits and pieces. But I find the issue of one's gender identity, sexuality identity, and sexual orientation are very complex to dig for an absolute answer. Also to me they are similar to the nature of water - let it flow and see where it brings you. At various stages of life it's highly possible that one would want to identify oneself differently.

Stereotyping is no good, although we all like to summarize people into labels. Labels do help you to identify each other fast, avoiding the later messiness of figuring out the person you are into are not exactly what you wanted/expected. Making people change according to your expectations is not really feasible. Adjustments might happen due to the great love, but definitely not entirely modifying the person into someone that purely lives in your fantasy.

I'm contradicting myself here again. So are labels good or what? I believe titles are good until they get to a certain degree where the one-worded descriptions bring you more complications rather than help. Labels do give people a sense of security and comfort as they feel they belong to a specific group after all. Remember all those teenage years when you tried to fit in? That's exactly what I mean. No one would want to be left alone by themselves and be outcasts.

Sketchbooks Patterns Illustrations

Argh. I can't wait until I finish my current sketchbook so I can move onto my new one - which is a pocket-sized Moleskine with squared pages. I want to draw patterns and design little things with the grid layout in the background as a guideline. I think I'm better in those than to doodle freely on totally blank pages. Maybe I'll archive something amazing like Malex's too-much-time-on-your-hands-during-work illustration done solely with Autocad.

Check out the visual blog here: CAD CAD CAKE

Talking about illustrations and graphics, I found Ladytron's music video for their song Runaway is very inspiring. (or I'm just obsessed with electro-pop and Mira Aroyo at this moment. She looks like an androgynous Greek/Egyptian goddess that makes you drop your jaw.)

Story | Stack of Paper

I didn't realized things can pile up. You would think a certain thing is quietly sitting in the back corner of your house doing nothing to harm or disturb you. Most of time it would be good, but at particular moments it gushes out and your windows will be raining like a super super good sprinkler. Then you see maybe things did not settle as you wish them to be after all. Once memories get stirred up, the house ended up burning in flames. Just like typhoons and hurricanes eating up millions of homes. You will be teared apart and certainly don't understand why the hell is this happening.

Being busy, on school or work or whatever you preferred, is the ultimate method to sooth the sine waves. Those activities keep you concentrated, and it will help to minimize the triggering of internal flame that can consume your entire house. Or try running. Fly away as if you are a paper plane. Escape to somewhere. And be good.

I feel cold. I want a cup of hot jasmine tea. Preferably in a ceramic mug with handles, thanks. I love you.


03/03/09

Tomorrow by Ladytron

Hope this will make your day as someone else made my day:

Check out Ladytron here: http://www.myspace.com/ladytron

March 8th: IWD

What is today you might ask. It seems they don't really mention about it in Canada, as I don't remember it being talk about in school at all, nor any commercial significance regarding today's celebration. Maybe Canada has a pretty decent system on providing equal rights for all people hence there's nothing big going on? (Hey, we are not that behind in same-sex marriage after all.)

International Women's Day, which is on March 8th, celebrates the long route of activists fighting for women's right. I don't see much of it political awareness in Shanghai here. My co-workers just talked about how they would have good deals and discounts at department stores. Like you will get 10% off or something. (Ridiculous. Everything is so emerge into the consumer culture. Just like Christmas too. They market it as an event that makes money. Lots of money without the presence of religion or what so ever.)

To talk about the current women's right here in China, there is improvement if you compare the situation of many years ago. But people are still strongly believing in the idea of "being a good wife and obey your husband", "marrying a rich man and you will live well for the rest of your life", and "delivering a baby boy will make your mother-in-law and your husband's extended family happy." WTF. I prefer to be a good partner to someone (gender and title of the person don't matter), not to get marry (currently I'm not interested in doing so), not to have babies (girl or boy, I'm not ready emotionally nor financially ready for them yet), and I dress to please myself and maybe the people I love but not the general public. Certainly not entertained by your judgmental comments too.

It is pretty depressing when I hear female friends, co-workers, whoever else talked about being their understanding of the "perfect woman." I mean, is that your life goal? To please men? To submerge yourself into fully supporting patriarchy culture? During a recent hang-out, I got to know that one of the younger co-worker chose shoes based on how much guys would think the heels will be attractive and cute and sexy. WTF x 2. (Is it just me who is a feminist here??? Helloooo?) I think I would accept that reason better if you said the shoes make you feel confident or attractive in them, not that you would think guys will like them. Personally I'm not against heels, but they hurt my feet and I can't catch the bus with them on bumpy Shanghai streets. I don't mind wearing them occasionally, after all they do make ME (not others, not guys) feel sexy sometimes. Sigh. I know I cannot force my believes onto others as I don't like others dropping theirs (aka patriarchy) on me. Yet I feel really sorry for those who still buys the idea of being the submissive, dependent, obeying, men-pleasing women.

Another incident was my experience at a club recently. A boy asked me to dance with him. I was being nice so I stood up from my comfortable sitting position and danced. He tried to grine at me. I pushed him away. He fell onto some people. People gave me strange faces. Ya know, I really don't like people touching me without my consent. And no I'm not going to cooperate and participate in your little fun. F*ck off. What's wrong with you? I thought you think that I'm a dyke anyway. Go dance with someone who's willing to be grined at just to boost their self-worth value and attractiveness from your actions. But again, I feel really really sorry for those girls that are willing to get manipulated by you. May those girls be enlightened one day and realize they don't have to live under the patriarchy tree. Remember that all people can run freely as they enjoy! (Oh yeah, as a side note, I hate those girls who kiss each other just to catch male attention. Kate Perry is not cool, okie? Stop obscuring our relationships.)

Let's celebrate the day with Keep On Livin' by feminist punk-rock band Le Tigre (check them out at http://www.letigreworld.com/).

Story | Dandelion

If the entire world chose to abandon you, you shouldn't follow their footsteps too. Don't diminish yourself. You have to live on to fight for what you believe in and spread the words around.

You cannot be the wimpy one that gets manipulated by others who were led by the contemporary, or not so contemporary, society. Stand up and stay strong. How can you be you if you are not firm? Numerous kids do look upon you for inspiration, just like your icon who you admire long time ago back when you were still young. If you crash, indirectly the kids will break their hearts too.

You still have yourself, your own body and soul even if everyone and everything else are gone. Be the one that lives out the spectacular inspirational life.


03/03/09

A Thank You Note

Thank you for making me going and staying in architecture school.
Thank you for letting me know that there's more other than boy-and-girl attractions.
Thank you for acting as my motivation and eye candy during crappy times.
Thank you for telling me that I made you realized you've affections for females too.
Thank you for being a great supervisor, marvelous designer, and inspiring role model.
Thank you for influencing me to stay strong in what I believed in and being true to myself.
Thank you for motivating me to work hard so I get valuable work experiences.
Thank you for bringing me (back) to Shanghai.
Thank you for being a wonderful listener.

You know who you are.
You know you are (were once) important in my transformation.
You know I will wish you well.

March is no good

The third month of 2009 is unpleasant at the moment:

I am not in Hong Kong so I can't go see Soundless Wind Chime, which will be playing in the international film fest in 3 weeks, followed by director's discussion after viewing.
You told me you are no longer being ambiguous with your partner, while mine is still unresolved.
Ikea is still out of stock for the lid that works with my kitchen utensils storage box.
You came back to visit, stirring up unnecessary memories that was long buried.
The shower drain is still stuck after squeezing liquid soap into the slot.
The bakery ran out of angel cake stuffed with whipped cream.
Still too cold to wear my converses instead of boots.
I'm feeling jealous of you but I feel wrong doing so.
Raining everyday. Or at least 6 days a week.
Work is no longer fun nor interesting.
Still haven't get paid after 2 months.
There's no ice cream in the freezer.
I'm whining more often than ever.

Story | The Postcard Baby

Made in Toronto. Created by a pair of loving partners.
Been to New York, Chicago, Budapest, Paris, Fukuoka, and Singapore.
Rounder and smoother corners through each transfer.
Presences of different stamps on the front and the back. Memories left behind.
Love letters on the surfaces. Many generations of writing and covering with gesso. The same for receivers' names and addresses.

But now the baby is lost in the geometric space.

I will miss you. Remember you have two mommies that really love you.
May you adapt well to your new surrounding soon. Adore the change.


02/27/09 [This story is dedicated to the forever-gone postcard sent to me from Fernie.]

*Update: The postcard did arrive after 2 months of touring around. Yay. 03/13/09

Story | How Are You?

Have you ever wonder what it meant to me? Your disappearance was you own mature choice. Once I had lots of self-doubts, but at this moment I would not question. It was purely our mutual decision on not being together anymore and letting this go. You will have a good life without my presence. I will have a prosperous time of the future. Nothing will last like diamonds in my house nor in my art anyway. However I would like to wish you well on the walk of going up and down the numerous corridors in search of the hearth. Daffodils would come out of the desk drawers. Sapphires would reveal themselves behind the stationary sculptures. You will be like my tulips.

To keep you updated, herbs started to grow in my suitcase right after you disappeared. Especially the basils. They are blooming like they have never performed before. Flirting like Toulouse-Lactrec's Can Can dancers. Parsleys are going lovely too. Shyly smiling at the negative space. The emptiness is shrinking. But it is recovering slow. Maybe the cropless fields existed for thousands of years already, yet no one seemed to notice the bad soil condition and chemical contemination before. Until now. It was hiding behind the mainstream bias image as a featureless motionless backdrop. Now I wish I did my college and trained to be a theatre set designer. Then I can use my knowledge and skills to crowd the entire stage with many many of you.

May nothing rest in peace.


02/25/09

Story | Crossinspiration

You inspired me.
I inspired her.
She inspired the second her.

(The cycle would just go on and on.)

We ended up sharing the same favourite colour of clothing. The exact shade of bright bluish-teal and persian indigo.
We ended up dressing similar to each other. Those cozy pre-teen boy sweaters and the way we tie our scarfs.
We ended up having the same t-shirt. Remember the black one with white cad block-like people on it? And the white one with grey and yellow stripes too.

What some coincidences. Maybe we are meant to bond in a very subtle way. Cloning makes us identify each other from this chaotic world and together we are.


02/26/09

Craziness for a book

I'll start March with a story about my craziness. I have gone far enough with the purchase of this book - it's not easy to get my hands on it (of course it could be easily done if I'm willing to pay crazy for shipping).

I've my eyes on it since it was first mentioned in an article on Fridae around October 2008. So after reading that article, I went to the project organizer's website, read information on how to buy the book (which doesn't really help as they only provide info for people who are currently in HK), and then went on emailing one of their contacts. Connie, one of the contacts, replied that I could get the book via Fridae shopping, or she can accept money personally via Paypal. For Fridae, obviously it didn't work because even now they don't have the book listed in their shop. As for paying through Paypal with Connie, she didn't get back to me after a month or so - I decided not to bother her anymore. I would just wait and wait until I get to HK and I go get the book myself. 2008 passed and 2009 came. I'm working in Shanghai and going back to Hong Kong for Chinese new year. Here's my chance! However, as I was sticking with my parents all the time and going to lots of different places, I don't really have access to bookstores by myself (no I'm not out to them yet). I did manage to check out one in the shopping plaza underneath my apartments a day before I leave HK (I know I was late, but I couldn't find an excuse earlier to go out by myself), but they ran out of stock. ARGH. The sales assistant said the closest place to get the book was in Causeway Bay. I know I would regret a lot if I didn't manage to get the book before I leave, I decided to head to CWB 2 hours before going to the airport even though I was super sick and dizzy, finding a random but workable excuse for my parents that I want a specific book. So I went and got the book. That's the story.


Wondering what made me doing crazy stuff like this? The full title of this book is called《艾love女人一一香港會愛上女人的女人口述歷史》(roughly translates as "I Love Women: Oral History of Hong Kong Women Who Loves Women"), 2008, organized and edited by a group of volunteers, published in traditional Chinese. Although I only spent my childhood years in Hong Kong, I do want to know more about HK women who love women and their stories. Plus I'm in love with reading right now (should of know that way way earlier). Getting back on topic, the book listed numerous stories of women from diverse backgrounds, of different generations, and with various self identities. And the last chapter included a fun piece of writing on "TB 背心" (chest binding vests) and how they act like the wonderful push-up bras for most women, but rather provide the miracle of "push-down" for tomboys and butch ladies. The book also included a bookmark which gives the definitions and explainations of many of the popular terms used within the HK lesbian community or gay culture in general.

Check out the book description and purchasing information from 香港女同盟會 (Women Coalition of Hong Kong) by clicking here.