Story | Senses

Click.

It is gone, temporarily deactivated.

I felt free. No more fuss on the mystery. No more urge to follow the updates. No need to ignore unnecessary irrelevant invitation to events and activities. No more jealousy or comparing oneself to other people's interesting lives. No longer required to response.

Peaceful. For a split of a second, I felt relieved. At least now I had tried to let you go. But who knows if I will go crazy, become intolerable and continue to stalk you, haunt you.

I should put it down.


2011/09/18

Story | Revelation

Chaos strike the campus. Beating hearts flow in and out, trespassing banal roads and removed sidewalks. Detours loop vehicles round and around. Accessible routes are mapped and distributed. Red pavings marked up the stop. Chicken wire fences demarcated the construction.

Twirling around the disassembled ground, disaster looking to happen.


2011/09/13

Story | Full Moon

The pale egg-white coloured sphere was the only thing that could be seen. The rest did not matter at all. The pregnant silence occupied the long bus, other than the poor body shaking intensely like madness. The solid slide off the seat, down to the stepped grey floor.

Shock. Telling the driver to stop the bus. Calling the ambulance. Arrival of paramedics. Body being carried from one vehicle to another. 5205 driving off. Butch lady stopping. Transferring of passengers.

Full moon did have an effect on people, cursing and causing bad things to happen.


2011/09/10

Story | Finch to Bloor

Subway transit.

Rubbed off maroon velvet. Bloody red tiles. Salmon marble twirling resin. Orange head caution tape. Golden reflective metal. Yellow popping dots on the edge of the floor. Outlined bright yellow text. Shiny glow-in-the-dark neon yellow criss-cross strips. Highlighter green bike. 2D photographic grass on paper. Deep forest green ceramic letters embedded within the wall. Foam green blended with lines of water blue silk tank top. Pale baby blue polo short-sleeves. Navy blue sparkly liquid eyeliner. Dark-washed denim skinnies. Rich purple advertisement background.

Ended here.


2011/09/10

Story | Spatial Claim

Mass, noise, and odour can claim space.

People with bigger body types can occupy multiple seats, providing they do not interfere with the particular provider's regulations on fare.

People with chatty mouths and high-pitch voices can annoy nearby passengers and make them put on their headphones or even relocate to stay away from the noise.

People with stinky smells or over-perfumed bodies can scared away others around, forcing them to hop off the subway cart and wait for the next train.

Who would thought inconvenience to others can bring one spatial benefits? No wonder individuals do it all the way without considering their annoyance and disturbance to others.


2011/08/22

Story | Terminated

I cannot stop droplets of sodium-filled water coming out of the tear ducts, dropping down my spine. Yet another hour and thirty minutes til I can reach home.

Spending enormous number of hours at bus terminals, I learned to be quiet, to keep everything to myself. Who wouldn't want a good night of sleep in their very own comfy cozy bed, rather than resting on the cold back-less metal bench that is filled with germs of different sort.

Maybe one day in the future, I will no longer live in this filthy non-sustainable world. Perhaps I can fly through the clouds by then.


2011/08/19

Story | Green Buses

I feel good being an alumni of my school, of my program. Who knew green roofs on buses would be a great innovative idea that would gain you first place in a forty minute design competition and a miniature model of a double-decker bus?

Really, I was just throwing ideas that had lingered in my studio design projects and directly implementing it as a moving large vehicle. I guess that was new.

Maybe one day we will actually see a bus topped with a living garden and absorbing pollutants in our consumptive non-sustainable world.


2011/08/19

Story | Purple Cap, Blue Bottle

Last time the scent was present was over eighteen months ago in Romania. In the middle of winter, showering in a newly-renovated cubicle with a wood flooring, I inhaled the so-called ocean lift and divine aroma. Surely the coldness, through the non-full-sealed windows, made the body shiver. However hot water was dispensed and poured onto the skin, glided down the fleshed frame and ran into the drains. Bucharest had its snow.

Now in a familiar city yet foreign scene, the same scent danced. Except hair was cut shorter, and the same troubles no longer existed. Mentality had transformed, into a field of calmness. This does soothe one out; excitement downs.


2011/08/19

Story | Euphoria

Song for my Juliette!

The moonlight, as if it’ll spill, is definitely dark
Including the almost exploding torchlight
I need to learn how to shine like she does
If I look at her, I’ll be blinded

Please give me a chance
When you look at me with those eyes
I want to hold you in my arms
But to me, you’re like a playful fox

Juliette, I’ll give you my soul
Juliette, please accept me
Juliette, sweetly, a little more sweeter
Whisper my serenade

Sweet addiction, burning temptation
Even though your lips are bitter poison
I’m Romeo, your knight in shining armor
Trapped in a glass jar, love is a red light

You’re already the center of the whole world, my focus
You play me all day, and even if you push me, pull me, and I fall down
I follow your scent that embraces my body again
I can’t stop, so take all of my heart and my breath

Please open your heart
Your gestures toward me pass by again
My trembling heart seems like it’ll explode any moment

Juliette, I’ll give you my soul
Juliette, please accept me
Juliette, sweetly, a little more sweeter
Whisper my serenade

Even without any words, I already know everything
Your eyes said they want me badly
I can’t escape this habit of chasing after you
You spread like an irresistable poison
Yeah, baby Juliette

Juliette, I’ll give you my soul
Juliette, please accept me
Juliette, sweetly, a little more sweeter
Whisper my serenade

Juliette, I’ll give you my soul
Juliette, please accept me
Juliette, sweetly, a little more sweeter
Whisper my serenade

My love is passionate like the sun, only you, only you
Even if I’m born again, only one person will shine brightly in my heart
My heart shines brightly
My heart shines brightly

On and off. A year had passed by, yet nothing is accomplished.

The first time I lay my eyes on you was at that house party. You were shouting and dancing with the mop, while I sat quietly on the couch in the living room adjacent music-filled dining hall sipping my drink. Under those dazzling lights and loud beats, you seemed so good looking, so attractive.

With the influence of alcohol, people sticked together kissing and mooching in the backyard that lacks boundary. Under the endless dark sky, temporary excitement felt like they would last forever. Individuals hooked up, regardless of friends' questionable gazes or their concerns. Lust was important at the instant.

Hopping down the squeaky yet carpeted stairs. Bouncing away from the wooden platform and steps. Skipping on pads of concrete stamped with dates. Dancing across the historical bridge with an alternative mentality state of mind.

Silence filled the apartment.


2011/08/01

Story | Urge

Queerness is everywhere. The one special wink, and the one particular smirk, reveal all that cannot be spoken. Messages are exchanged with publicly unnoticeable gazes, shooting rays and glares among the same eyes. Stars are exploded within the sphere, creating warmth fizziness. Meanings are reinterpreted under the invisible cultural lens, pulling and pushing people to reveal their most inner and deepest selves.

Irrelevant. People eat, sleep, drink, and fuck everyday. What is so mysterious, special, and mysterious to retain the wall of barriers?


2011/07/26

Story | Intersection

Hundreds and thousands of cars, plus a few motorcycles, passed by.

Paper is being filled. Pen ink leaked and bleed on the white 30 lbs thin fax paper. Late night joggers ran by. Vehicles flied through.

Crossing my legs, I was alone lounging on the lightly reflective concrete pad. It was newly paved and dry, although a canopy of some sort was lacking.

It will come soon. Good things will happen sooner or later. Patience will bring in prosperity, right?

The intersection is a spot for change.


2011/07/23

Story | Suburbia

Once again, sitting alone in the middle of suburban land waiting. Is this a way for God to test me patience? I guess I have been too hush and too rush in my weekday life. Saturday is a perfect time to stop, slow down, and self-reflect on the fast pace schedule.

What does this mean? I cannot stop wondering if I did something bad in my daily routine.

I supposed it could be worse. At least the sky was clear without droplets of rain. The waiting area was brightly lit. My ipod was charged and working. A pen plus a receipt with a blank backside were available for jotting random ideas down.

I took this as an eye-opening experience. I mean, normal people normally would not have spent forty-five minutes of their life sitting in the middle of nowhere in suburb late at night around 10pm, sitting on a concrete pad under an invisible yet-to-be-built bus shelter.

Transportation is important.


2011/07/23

Story | Beach

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have -

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun...

Drawings of line portrait make people happy. However there was one sucker who kind of brought the mood down.

You said you would show up - but no, you broke your promise. I have heard stories that you enjoy submerging in your religious bubble, only to resurface at designated moments.

But really, who cares. Girls just want to have fun.


2011/07/18

Story | A Hundred and Ninety-Six

Today was a bliss. Well, more like sublime.

There was a very beautiful enormous bright moon hanging on the dark canvas. Very very pretty and attractive.

There were three buses to catch. All of them were caught in hurries, with no breathing time in between each. This would only happen once in a blue moon - with the three buses being late when I boarded them, yet they managed to bring me to my transfer point destination in the speed of light years.

There was updated news, finally, about being selected to attend a summit. I guess I was worth it as a candidate.

It must be the full moon that brought all the goodies.


2011/07/15

Story | Work Hard, Party Hard

Now, only after so many years, I finally understand what work hard, play hard meant. Many months ago I was first introduced to the concept by someone I deeply admired, yet at that time I totally did not understand nor want to involve with this lifestyle at all.

It was weird. I have been trying and struggling to find a balance between work and relaxation, yet I am not getting anywhere close to the zen stage.

So why not give this a try? Together with overtime, period, sore throats and occasional headaches, I might as well throw and drown myself into the hardcore working hardcore partying life.


2011/07/12

Story | Aging

Time and age had slipped by.
After eight years of alternative experience, the body can no longer battle the severe physical pain nor endure the thrill.
Stamina had dropped.

The change in mentality caused the disinterest.


2011/07/09

Story | Mounted Projections

To be able to think and make choices, it is a privilege. I do recognize I am in a privileged situation. I am delighted and glad that I am able to choose and to select my next step.

Storms are here. Questions raise to the surface.

What is the meaning to be living? Was it to follow the norm? Was it to suck up everything and start living a normative life? Was it to follow the suit of presenting your best self and live up to other people's expectation of you? Was it to live a model life?

Bullshit. Everything is just an illusion.


2011/07/02

Story | Otherness and Homeless

I want to escape to Shanghai once again. Just another twelve month. One more year I would release myself from the current suffer, off on a plane and f*ck everything else.

There will be things to deal with, but it is better than stuck in a boring questionable life style. The present situation is not doing anything good - escape escape escape.

Perhaps I am trying to run away from things, from reality. But why do we have to be bound by the preset normative life others subscribe us into? We never really sign up for it; it is just people push us into the slots.

Yes I know. I might not fit in. Well guess what - I do not think I will even fit into anything. Blending in maybe, but never fully able to fit into anything. I am queer in that sense. Home is nowhere to be found.


2011/07/02

Story | Tip-toe

Sometimes it is scary. Actually most of the time. Everything is like a bet, take it or loose it.

I supposed lost should not be that consumptive. They say if the old does not leave, the new will not come. However, the process of healing, accompanied by the experience of drowning in intermediate purgatory, comes with heavy grief.

Drop.


2011/06/30

Story | Roll Doubles

Waiting and waiting, for the perfect place, person, and moment. We wish one day we will all get whatever we wanted. I wonder how much lifetime we will spend, wasting on utopian ideals that is almost non-existent in reality.

Maybe eventually we will learn, realizing good precious chances have slipped by us and flown away.

Take a chance - who knows.


2011/06/30

Story | Bench

Sitting alone inside the subway lobby, I saw people come and go. They stopped briefly just to breath and inhale the stale air, and on they go hopping onto the next arrival of train.

Half of this year had passed by. People said hi, then bye. They traveled through the city, and returned to their home.

Bus, train, airplane. All allowed the movement and transfer of bodies. Souls slipped in, shadows faded out.

Walking in the air.


2011/06/30

Story | Withdrawl

After so long, I figured I would slip myself away... tuck myself in the corner out of the way, to escape from the public's eyes.

Things will not go well if you push too hard. A little nudge is required, but not a pressurized force that would ruin the whole project. But I guess I did go a bit too far. Oops.

A lesson is learned. It is always better to take things easy, and go with the flow. Bets are only good if you know what is going on - not when you think you know what is going on.


2011/06/26

Story | Limps

Everything is not going well. Everything is in chaos. Everything is detouring. Everything is messing up. Everything is not heading the right direction. How can I get myself out of here? How can I find a permanent solution to this stressful problem? Eventually destruction will come, and there is no turning back.

Why? I just want to live a simple happy life, but nothing is going as I want them to go. Am I wrong? Am I stupid? Why do I always make wrong decisions and regret later? Why is my instinct no longer picking out the good choices? Everything seems to diverge rather than comign close to me. Maybe I am a miserable person, a life that is not worth anyone's time.

If I am in an high-ride building now, I would had jumped off and out I go. I cannot bare this any longer. Everything is collapsing onto me, and my body is no longer able handle all of this.


2011/06/25

Story | Shots

Shots are meant for people to take, stake, inhale, indulge themselves in. They are risks to be bet on; they are beverages to sunk oneself into.

I supposed it never hurts to ask, right? It was not like rejections never happened before. Also drunkenness helps to make the not so conscious decision. But then again, life is all about bets. One can only gain when one is ready to throw away all of the belongings.

I have to do this, although my other lucks were raising in very subtle minimal ways... However this was something I promise myself to do. I have to, once again, ask the same question I posted nine months ago. A definite answer is required; just so things can move on easily.

It is summer solstice after all. Perhaps the prolong hours of daylight will shine on, leading and directing my whole into the bright path.


2011/06/21

Story | Constellation of Stars

Again, the distance between had widen.
Being light years away, it was hard to believe the fact that our bodies are practically existing in the same city.

Summers are good for viewing stars at night. However only at night.
During the day under the warm of broad sunlight, you are nowhere to be seen
and I hide myself lingering under the shades of multiple voluminous tree canopies.

Under a flick of the eye, the moment will be gone.
The little star of you will be lost in the universe.


2011/06/19

Story | Summer Solstice

Tears shredded down the alleyway, out into the street. Unstoppable forces squeezed and drained out the body, producing a hollow structure with uncountable drips of sadness. All that was experienced was the process of exhaustion.

Hoping the days would go by fast. Wishing the day with the brightest sun and longest daylight would cure everything, including the acceptance of oneself.


06/14/2011

Story | First Glance

You seem so perfect in the first glance. Large eyes with dark brown orbs, tall and slim statue plus a bit of ab muscles, cute yet fond looking blend with a hint of innocence. It would be very nice to have you as a lover visually.

It is true when people say love at the first glance, at least partially. I would not say I love you the first time I saw you - to be honest, I don't think I even noticed you when you first joined our community - but after 2 years of tuning, you turned into this gorgeous figure.

I was surprised you were not partnered off... Who would of expect some body like you be available for all? You are a good church boy, with a seemingly healthy life style and a mission to spread. You are too good to be true.

* * *

It is very sad that my political views and opinions are very different from yours. I cannot bring myself into supporting your faith, although I would respect your spiritual believes. Yet... things will clash under typical conditions. Of course this is just a general assumption, but deep inside me I know the issue will not be a small one. Three centuries long of oppression and conflicts will not dissolve itself miraculously under the life time of our being.

Good things do come with a baggage of some sort. Nothing is perfect in this world.


2011/06/03

Story | Rain

I want to flood like there is no tomorrow, draining out every single drop of intention straight down the eavestrough. Sadness slips in. Tiredness spreads across the campus, leaving none of the patches empty. I cannot stop wondering if everything was my own fault, or I was simply being situated at the bottom of the ladder?

Perhaps this is just a preview of the upcoming storm.


2011/06/03

Story | Cope

Am I just grieving my own wrong, bad, irrational, stupid decisions? I used to be very confident and not regretful about my own choices, however lately I felt I have been making incorrect ones consecutively... Was it because my instincts are no longer sharp, or they were masked over by some blur that diverted me into the questionable directions?

I don't mind small detours, as I cherish the experience of process rather than the result. Yet many late decisions felt as if they were dead ends. Once you reach there you cannot even work out a three point turn. The situations were very difficult to get over with... Perhaps I have become weaker in my combativeness, or I had simply sheltered myself away from storms for too long. At the moment I cannot even stand tiny winy bit of disturbance generated from a small blow across the region.

I need a vacation, to be away from everything. All I see, hear, and do contains traces of trauma. Sadness lingers everywhere.


2011/05/31

Story | Spectrum

I want to be drunk with endless bottles of vodka, never sobering.
I want to be drown into a pool of water, never waking up.
I want to be gone to a foreign land, never revealing my past.

Life is so sad, upsetting, and hopeless.
Life is so exhausting, consuming, and demanding.
Life is so complicated.

* * *

Maybe instead of seeing things on a line with two opposite ends, I should try to see them as running parallels. Perhaps then things will turn out better...


2011/05/29

Story | Intertwine

Waiting in the lobby munching my sandwich, I peeked through the foyer glass contemplating on the retail strip across. A parade of some sort was walking down the street two layers of glass away from me. I assumed it was a wedding march - the couple was B. and a white girl. I was never close to B., so I did not know who the bride was. But nonetheless I quietly congratulated them in my heart, wondering my own sour single state.

Both of the groom and the bride were wearing elaborated weird head pieces, something made of wheat and greens in an organic form. It was very architectural and definitely not something you see everyday. Following behind the grand couple was a bunch of elegantly and nicely dressed young men in suit, also donning smaller decorated pieces on their heads. M., as the groom's man, was among one of them.

I was just simply amazed by this function, unknown to me... It was almost like a surprise, but one that I was not directly involved nor should be affected by.

* * *

A. explained to me she was a bit frustrated by the ceiling design inside the stairs. The thin strips of concrete beams with rails for movable hooks high above, about two levels, were creeping her out. Obviously she doesn't enjoy minimalist smooth fluid yet strong shapes. She brought us into the vertical circulation space, showing me the exact space she was complaining about. It had a combination of various architectural moments I have seen at Zaha Hadid's MAXXI Museum in Rome... Interesting.

However, all I noticed was a glazed panel on the side, framing and projecting to another set of stairs many floors above. It looked exactly like the perspective rendering showcased some time back before the construction that I came across sometime ago. I guess the as-built did not drift off much from the original proposal.

Walking down the grand stairs were M. and his fellow colleagues. They were dressed in high fashion typical male model suits with summer loafers, walking over to say hello to A. To be honest, I was surprised M. had transformed from my image of him as a young adolescence into a almost-unrealistic version of the ideal male found in Korean dramas. Another interesting moment.


2011/05/22

Story | Melancholy

I was glad that you were back. However that was before I read further about your profile, stared at random picture of you standing behind the lecture speaking about your faith, and browsed through the videos you made to promote your religious group.

It really hurts to cut away myself from you, yet I foresee potentially larger troubles that will haunt me later. I do not want to endanger myself into insanity... despite the fact that I am still deeply attracted by your pretty facade.

But yeah, I said it myself. You are just a beautiful person at the visual level. Your faith, your soul, and your everything else... I am not sure if I am ready to handle them yet. Or the worse, we might be living in completely different universe.

Slice.


2011/05/28

Story | Crossing Fingers

I secretly hope you had deactivated your account temporary rather than blocking me as a friend. Life had been going downhill lately - out of school and negativity in work. I just was something good to hung onto. You, as a subject to be appreciated, is distant yet also very inspiring. I don't know you much, but I trust my instinct of being attracted by you. There must be something wonderful about you.

Time. I need more opportunities to get to know you. Maybe then my life will raise itself into prosperity. Everyone will be happy.


2011/05/27

Story | Twenty-four

I wish days can go back, to a time where there were less worries. Not that I have changed, but it seems things are growing more complex. Now, me, my body, and myself as whole, are more constrained and trapped with reality. Dreams are there, yet they seems to derive further away...

Is this aging? Or perhaps this is just a natural process every individual has to go through, the lost of time? I think I am starting to understand the preciousness of youth.

It is okay. You are still only twenty-four. The other body is only minus three.


2011/05/16

Story | Transformer

I laughed at you for overtly losing yourself through years in your relationship. But then who are not doing so? At least I know I do not have the qualification to look down upon you, as myself had undergone tremendous transformation over the past few years. Those changes, for better or for worse, were triggered with the indirectly influences from my multiple crushes and inspirational figures.

Well, I just hope you realize and believe your transformation is good and useful for self development. Please do not get too attached up to a point where you lose your true self, your personality, your character, and everything that you are. Positive influences are always great.


2011/05/15

Story | Pit

What would you do if you made a bad decision? Do you regret, or do you just simply cope til the end of the suffer?

Things are bitter. But it was my very own choice. I cannot blame anyone else, but myself for the making the wrong decision.

Perhaps this is karma. I have spend all my positive balance on school, fully enjoying what I was doing. But then again, today I learned that there are indecent cheap people in the world.

I guess I was just disappointed. I no longer have respect for this particular individual. However I do truly thank him for providing me this valuable experience.


2011/04/26

Story | Mercury

Liquid silver was dripping, gliding down the neck out through the threshold. Slowly the entire bottle was gone away for good.

Goodness was drained. All it left behind was the deed to be completed.

Do not worry. Time will erase everything, at least bit by bit the memory of trauma will slip away. You will become a stronger person. Mercury will run in your blood, all over your body, providing with energy that no one can defeat.


2011/05/01

Story | Dynamics

I tried to keep the anger out of me. I am trying hard not to think, not to analyze, not to investigate the truth. However I do know about it. I just don't want to face it.

It is better this way anyway. I will live a happier life, enjoy myself while I can, and relax.

Deeply I believe that my school is better. He is just jealous so he tried to manipulate his last bit of power as someone that overlooks me. Ah, power relations. Too bad too bad. I saw straight through your game, and I pretended to be stupid. We all knew you are biased, and highly jealous of an education you did not receive.

Screw you. You are just a piece of my stepping stone, a filler in my career before I lead a change in the world.

2011/04/25

Story | Personal Narrative

You wanted to read blogs. Indeed I have over 300 posts on mine, packed with many personal stories since five years ago. Lots and lots of documentaries regarding my little tiny invisible life that no one cares about.

I'm wondering if I should share with you my past. I'm not ashamed of my history and memory, yet... at least I thought they were not as ordinary (although interesting) as most would assume it to be. I hid lots of stories about my eye-candies, my crushes, my relationships... and many of them are not exactly moral or proper or whatever (but again that depends on your 'standard' of morality, excuse you).

Now I felt like I have been affected negatively, and brought down deeply by my own past. (However there were nothing wrong!) Am I being too harsh to my brain and body? Am I still being my own heteronormative judge on myself? But... but I cherish my queer history. I think the abnormality that I experienced and participated in made me a stronger and better person. They forced me realize how privileged I am as an individual.

So now, would you be interested in reading my life?


2011/04/17

Story | Demarcation

I envy those people who have perfect lives, or at least appeared to be perfect lives. Why can't I just be easily satisfied? Would that mean I lose myself if in fact I turn myself into accepting everything others pose on me? Where do I draw the boundary between being way too particular, or too coward or shy to have and speak up about my own thoughts?


2011/04/17

Story | 12:01

No more guessing. No more games.
No more waiting. No more butterflies.
No more chasing. No more worries.
No more dreaming. No more excitement...

When the thrill is gone, it disappaears.
When the time has passed, it is done.

It was not meant to be.


2011/04/13

Story | Things are funny isn't it VIII

Yesterday I went out shopping with my good friend in downtown. When we left the mall, being a poor student, I asked her if she would mind if I shared her monthly transit pass and she was fine with it. We decided I would go in first and her second.

I got inside, slipping the transit pass inside the shopping bag. I pretended I took one of her bags by mistake, handed it back to her over the gates at the station and waved good bye. Then I walked over to the platform waiting for her to get in. Obviously, while doing the 'transaction', I was being very sensitive and cautious about the multiple transit staff standing around and the ceiling-mounted cctv cameras overwatching us.

There was this boy with anchor tattoos on both arms, which I assumed to be gay or queer, wondering close by. I vaguely remembered I saw him at H&M when I was looking for my friend, just before we decided to leave the shopping mall. I noticed and remembered him because of the way he donned campness, which was something I've learn and discussed in class. (Yes I'm a geek. I actually tried to link what I learn at school to daily lives.)

Even my body was walking towards the platform to avoid suspicion, my eyes kept on starring at the entrance lobby area just so I wouldn't lost my friend. So I sat down on a bench, waiting for her to come over without losing myself within a crowd of people that came in before she did. This boy, yes the sailor-looking-campy-possibly-gay-or-queer boy, twirled in a loop or two, right in front of me. At that time I thought, perhaps that was his cruising dance for his next target, who managed to be around me - I mean, who knows, there were gazillion number of people on the platform waiting for the train.

Then I saw my friend walking right pass me without noticing, I immediately stood up and tapped her, and we walked further down the platform. We waited close to the wall for the train.

The boy appeared once again, twirling and wiggling his bum casually at the edge of the platform, 3-4m away from me. I thought, stuff like this only happened in gay bars or in the 70s, no? (for reference, in the movie Milk, Harvey picked up Scott on the subway stairs) Was he really that desperate?

The train came. my friend and I found a spot to sit down, and we started talking about our dinner plan. For the one last time, the boy twirled through the vetical metal bars in front of my eyes once more, making sure he had caught my eye of ignorance. Then he danced himself and disappeared within the crowd on the train cart.

F*CK was what I had on my mind.


2011/04/24

*Read the previous stories, Things are funny isn't it VII, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2010/06/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-vii.html

Story | Formation of Ruby Gems

Hammer. Drill. Crack open the ground.
Noisy sounds burst from the brutal actions, evading consciousness.

Pieces of flesh and shell pop out.
Pain spazz acutely from the reminder core out to the public sphere.

The ocean flood out, enveloping the defenseless histories and memories.
Glisters of Red glow, endlessly lighting the dark narrow alleyway.

Tears, compound with complex thoughts and desires,
gush down the valley and formed numerous canals.

Will there be a tomorrow?


2011/04/12

Story | Popping Bubbles

Once I was determined to ask you out for coffee. You said yes and gave me your number. Woo hoo. Now I don't know anymore. I want to, but I became coward towards this whole thing. What if you think I'm too old too fat too much for you, my political views -particularly on sexualities- are too liberal, that fact that I'm agnostic and not a christian, I'm a weird moody annoying person who is hard to deal with...

I blow bubbles for other people, but burst my own.

Good bye my coffee date.

2011/04/10

Story | Identity Adaptation

Patient.

Coward.

Dominate.

Shy.

Stalker.

Submissive, perhaps?

Awkward.

Quiet.

Careful.

Weird.

Determinant, depends really.

Precise.

Political.

Detailed, selectively.

Independent.

Modest.

Creepy.

Ignorant.

Critical.

Indecisive, again it depends.

2011/04/09

Story | Camouflage of Greyness

I wonder if good people exist? It must have been my problem that I am such a picky depressing bitch and not a softie. But why live in a way where you are compromising? Sometimes it is difficult to draw the line between being oppressed and being ignorantly difficult.

Am I living the wrong way? Am I creating and stirring up all the trouble for myself? Am I a bad person? Am I not good enough?

2011/04/09

Story | Plastic People

It is very frustrating when privileged people do not see social problems - actually, they are probably not privileged as they are in fact victims themselves. They are also suffering from the patriarchy, the pathetic culture. Not dealing with the problem do not mean it will just go away. Denial.

Being critical is not something to look down upon. Although I might make myself less happy as I see and critique the issues of our culture, but at least I realize and know that there are problems, not just ignoring them and pretending to live in utopia.

Wake up. Issues do not solve themselves.

2011/04/09

Story | Sitting

Waiting and waiting. Fifteen minutes? An hour? Half a day?

The smell of pineapple buns, fresh egg rolls, and roasted red barbecue pork... disturbs me. They felt like an important part of growing up, but they are also hated because of the unpleasant attachments behind those memories.

Everything seems so familiar yet different. The same language, the same faces of colour. Yet, I feel like an alien.

It had only been five years. Can 1825 days completely modify a person? Does seeing different parts of the world make them change? Does realizing problem of their own culture turn them into a foreigner?

2011/04/09

Story | Cycles of Twos and Threes

Two years. Three years. Cycles of twos and threes run around, replacing overlapping overwriting each other. Nothing remains the same. The same kind of illusion bursts. Maybe a miracle will drop upon one day? Perhaps prosperity will be achieved? Give me something good. Please. Pass on any potentials to me, I beg you. Life is boring, I need something interesting.


2011/04/09

Story | Perimeter Lines

Everything revolves around negotiation, negotiating the boundary created by various members collectively. Everyone has their own comfort limit. Also there is the influence of discourse introduced and exposed to individuals. Endless cycles of filtration, of knowledge and narratives, run and process and demarcate boundaries.

2011/04/06

Story | River

The trip had inspired me, I think. It made me get back in touch, once again, with my emotions. I don't know how this happens, but I did suppressed my emotions for the past few months...

It is very interesting and exciting to experience the roller coaster of feelings, running up the hill and shoot right down to the endless bottom of the valley. You never know what will be coming up next. Constant surprises.

Things have twisted around in 3 years... You became the old me, while I transformed into the old you. Yes, you were shocked. Yes, I was shocked. It just... made me felt very heavy yet light, and unable to articulate anything.

It was nice seeing you. Now you have your own space looking upon the flowing river. You seems lovesick and very happy. Really, I'm very glad.

2011/03/21

Story | I See It Coming

Time rolls. Twenty seasons had passed, and things seem unchanged, yet... landscape was no longer the same.

I felt so old. I felt so gross. Not that being old is gross, but it is, a complicated feeling. I did push myself towards a direction that I intended and wanted to go, however I had missed out on observing things that I used to be very obsessed about.

I guess I'm doing good? Subtly fighting for equality and visibility, stopping ignorance and stupidity among privileged groups.

I don't know what and how am I supposed to feel. Good, or perhaps bad? Too many things flied inbound towards my body yesterday.

2011/03/16

Story | Perhaps Coffee the Next Time

I knew you existed, but where and when, I was not assure of.

There were vague evident of your inhabitance, however it was just a few piece of white paper scattered over the land. Landscape of emptiness. No labels, no books, no rolls of 36" wide drawings indicating you, as the occupier of the particular space.

I went away for further knowledge, came back and saw you. The upside down triangle. The perfectly toned body hiding behind those layers of clothes in different texture, with patterned underwear peeking out of the blue jeans... I feel, umm, very... I don't know. I'm not sure if I can't describe or even, umm, articulate. I definitely did not feel ashamed, yet I questioned myself for my motives.

Offering yellow candy? Perhaps you'll feel my generosity of love? It was awkward tapping your left shoulder and talking to you, when the psychiatrist was consulting his client right beside us. The black laptop pausing on a song, earphones off. Thanks? I took my bag and left, through the long flight of stairs and down to the river.

Bus ride through the small town was long. Sitting at the glazed shelter seemed silent, even with numerous people muttering their boring life right next to me. Life seems not exactly promising. The green piece of magnetic cardboard was stamped - there I aboard the vehicle back to reality.


2011/03/18

Story | Mid of March

Wonderful things can happen all at once, or not.

Sublime recycles every 3 years, I believe. Miracles, or I should said pleasant coincidences, all take place in a day of March while I was dying from exhaustion. Perhaps the happiness was granted as an energy shot for the drained-out body of mine? Certainly the surprises were nice; they made me giggle like a pre-teen encountering the first puppy love.

I supposed.


2011/03/18

How to Make a Heart-shaped Boiled Egg

How can something be so adorable?

I'm wondering if the egg has to be cooked til 90%, then you mold it with the chopstick and cardboard, or you just do it when the egg is freshly done, then disassemble the 'scaffolding' after it cools?


Edit:
Okay, mystery solved. I found the website which hosted the above procedure image. Check it out here: http://www.annathered.com/2010/09/29/how-to-make-a-heart-shaped-egg/
To quote the instructions, it mentioned "while the egg is still warm, peel the egg and put the egg on the milk carton". So no re-submerging back into the water, and the cardboard used was actually milk carton board.

Also the same website showed us how to mold hard boiled eggs into cube, pyramid, and other forms. See the tips here!
http://www.annathered.com/2010/09/26/how-to-mold-a-hard-boiled-egg/

(Re)thinking about Sexuality

Since today is Valentine's day, I think it would be a perfect time to (re)think about our love, sex, and sexuality. For the numerous individuals who held privileged identities living under the heteronormative world, good for you. You are lucky that you did not get bashed solely because your gender, sex, and sexual orientation fit under the general public and the legal structure's moral acceptance. However there are many others who are not as privileged. Those individuals are oppressed through various moral and legal systems, and quite possibly you might be contributing to the cause without realizing by complying to heteronormativity.

So I decided to include an excerpt below, from Gayle Rubin's article on Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality, for you to pleasure your mind intellectually, but also to ponder on sex.

In Western culture, sex is taken all too seriously. A person is not considered immoral, is not sent to prison, and is not expelled from her or his family, for enjoying spicy cuisine. But an individual may go through all this and more for enjoying shoe leather. Ultimately, of what possible social significance is it if a person likes to masturbate over a show? It may even be non-consensual, but since we do not ask permission of our shoes to wear them, it hardly seems necessary to obtain dispensation to come on them.

If sex is taken too seriously, sexual persecution is not taken seriously enough. There is systematic mistreatment of individuals and communities on the basis of erotic taste or behaviour. There are serious penalties for belonging to the various sexual occupational castes. The sexuality of the young is denied, adult sexuality is often treated like a variety of nuclear waste, and the graphic representation of sex takes place in a mire of legal and social circumlocution. Specific populations bear the brunt of the current system of erotic power, but their persecution upholds a system that affects everyone.

Did the excerpt from Thinking Sex change your mind or view on certain sexual 'taboos'? Please (re)think about it.

Story | Payments

Quiet people do interesting things too.
They burst their own bubbles and poke yours as well.

People do not just exist for nothing.
Fingers are there to jab through the illusional thin wrap,
disclosing the vulnerability embedded within the core.

Sponges intake then dispose liquid junk.
Credit cards swipe into the canal of the black machine...
transaction is complete.


2011/02/13

Story | Ephemeral Architecture

Memories of horror comes back and haunts.

Vivid details cut across the mind as if the chains of events took place yesterday. The exact same blue painted on the walls, the frosted sheet of glazing sticker melted on the entry door... All degenerated back into the old factory.

The facade covered with charcoal-coloured angled bricks remained, but it was only an empty shell supported by meaningless structure. Everything vanished, leaving behind no evidence of existence.


2011/01/25

Story | Shattered Window

Two years ago I was intensely jealous of your precious teddy bear.

Yet today I found it. The soft plush you lost connection with months ago. I'm not quite sure how am I feeling at the moment.

Was this fate, or perhaps I manually create this illusion of fate?

I will observe more just to see how I would react to this pair of forgotten glasses.


2011/01/06

Yazbukey's Acrylic Icons

I absolutely adore Yazbukey - the sister pair designers turned fashion/music/art icons into acrylic brooches! Their design collection can be found at http://www.yazbukey.com/.

Check out Andy Warhol, Karl Lagerfeld, and Lady Gaga in acrylic form below.

The brooches are available on Yazbukey online boutique, however I'm not sure if they are worth it exactly - they are 88 euros each - but I'm saying this because I can technically design, laser cut, and assemble those myself. However the Yazbukey sisters are amazing enough to come up with the idea of using contemporary icons and turn them into accessory pieces.

Also I should mentioned that the Lady Gaga one was spotted on Key when he went to Thailand Fan Party in November last year. He's a fashionistic diva!

Quote + Art of the Day

My dream isn't to become the 'best', it's to be someone who I'm not ashamed to be.

- Key, SHINee