Artificial Coincidences

Coincidences occur often. I mean, won't it be nice to bump into your eye-candy in the stairs when you have a deadline to rush? Just like a little energy boost (or the extreme opposite as the eye-candy person would see you in your shitty clothes and tired face, but we'll save that for another time). But there are also times where one party creates coincidence on purpose. Things would seem wow it's such a coincidence! But actually it is artificial. Things don't just happen for no reason, There is always an initiation point or origin of some sort. Then people form an apparent coincident.

I don't believe in coincidences anymore.

Maybe that's not a good idea.

Good coincidences supposed to make one feel good.

Not the opposite.

Re-routing of Buses

I had quite a weird, yet familiar dream. I got picked up, traveled around, and dropped off by the bus I take to commute from my home to the outside. Yet in the dream, the bus wasn't running on the current route that it takes... It was traveling in unknown suburb avenues and streets, providing the passenger with no idea where they are as all the houses looked the same. The street facades seemed very familiar, but were they simply a composite of the dream, or they actually existed for a period of time, yet got erased as the suburb community developed and the bus service got re-routed?

I had a drawer inside the built-in closet in my room that is dedicated to bus tickets and bus transfers. There were a number of different designs of transfer slips, from the town/region that I live in. There were also some long distance travel bus tickets, dating from a few years ago. It is fascinating to think about how my community has developed over the past 10 years... Now I really hope that I would be able to find a bus schedule or bus route map somewhere in my house, one that was dated back years ago, particular my high school years, to see how the bus route has transformed as more and more cookie-cutter houses are being plotted.

The rapid transport system also had erased my high school memories. I used to get off the first bus at one corner of the intersection, then walk across one road to get the second bus' bus stop. However now, they had changed the locations of the bus stops, making me cross two times on the busy roads. There goes my memory of carrying a large portfolio, walking along with speeding vehicles to catch the bus to school...

Oh, did I mention the rapid transport system now had redirected me from passing by my high school if I'm traveling towards the subway station? They decided to route around the intersection where my school is to relieve the crazy traffic in rush hour. Of course I know that area has the busiest traffic and the worst congestion, yet now, I could only pass by the place filled with memories under rare occasion. Maybe the avoidance was a good idea after all, so memories of those years, that place, and the things that happened would not get override in my head.

It is very sad that the memory of my first bus rides in this town were overwritten by my now everyday commute routine. I want to recollect the memories of my past, the early memories of this forever growing community... yet unable to trace back everything as I cannot pause, nor stop myself from intaking new information every second.

Highspeed Drift by Gary War

I can't stop listening to Gary War's stuff after my friend mlex sent me the following video. Cute triangles too ∆ ∆ ∆

Check out Gary War here: http://www.myspace.com/garywargarywar

Story | Pandora's Box

Tears accumulated inside the brain, yet not a drop can dispanse itself out from the tear duct out onto the plump face. Invisible construction workers are hammering down on the skull, causing each nerve to scream and yell until death.

I slept so much, over twelve hours. Yet none of it helped with the chaotic situation. The bees still pinch around my temples, slowly bringing me into the void of paranoid. All I can do now is to document, to express all my pain and anger and frustration and sadness into a space.


2010/03/06

Be yourself. F*ck the gender stereotype.

I had forgotten where I found this, but READ it.


Just be yourself.
Love yourself for who you are.

Story | I Saw Her

In ways we are all creepers, stalkers, or put it in a nice way, "information grabbers."

I saw your most recent ex-girlfriend in the hallway today. I recognized her with her distinct facial features, the short cropped hair, and just that coy face which I know you liked a lot. Of course, she would have not notice me, nor know my existence. But I certainly heard of her form you, followed her writing and images on that little special tumblr space, and see through her on facebook.

Yes, I admitted I am quite a creepy person. However I cannot stop myself from wanting to know everything related to you. And that obviously included the people who were involved in your life in the past.

I hope one day a person I enjoy will secretly stalk me too. Won't it be such an interesting experience to have a jealous body who wants to dig more about you and your life?

2010/03/04

Story | The City of Pearls

This is torturing. Why are you teasing and tempting me? It is a place filled with goodies, but also it brings back the horror deeply hidden in my conscious mind. I don't know how well I will react to the complex situation and the complicated memory of the past. Unless you can bring prosperity, I think I'll just stay in my comfort zone.

2010/01/29

Story | Shattering Flood

I really want to cry. But no tears run out from the corner of my eye down my cheeks.
Yet my heart feel pain. The type where you would experience the action of tearing apart.

I want to escape. From all the trauma I am currently evidencing.

I cannot even sleep well, depict I overloaded myself with work, exhausting my daily life.

Where is my energy, my motivation? Why do you have to be so far away where I cannot touch you, feel you, make love to you?


2010/03/03

Story | There Won't Be Anyone Else But Yourself

You travel for 30 minutes, only transferring once within the subway system from the yellow line to the green line with your already-there monthly pass, is too far, too much effort.

I interchange my life through subway, inter-regional bus, and local bus, for over 1.5 hours for $10 one way is considered as expected, or nothing.

Yeah, I suck because I only have a monthly suburb bus pass that really only brings me to work from home and back, I don't drive and go on the highway, I don't live in downtown as all the hip people do, I'm not as cool and rich and urban as you, I don't have a partner whom can drive me around and listen to my complains and sleep with me, and many many more.

F*ck you all. You can be as inconsiderate as much as you want. You can make fun of me all you wish.

I will have my own radical self-love.


2010/03/03

How the machine works...

I'm more eccentric and spontaneous than I thought I was. I guess it all goes back to the level of intensity on my desires. If I really want to do certain things, I will put in effort to make sure they happen. And of course, on the other hand, I would absolutely let others influence my decisions when I don't really care.

It all depends on my effort of consciousness and seriousness on the particular thing, at that particular moment.

*check out another blog post about the operation of the machine here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2009/03/manipulation-or-not.html

Story | Kilometers Away

We cannot officially be girlfriends because we haven't meet each other in person. Yet we discussed about our academic and career goals, our expectations for each other in the future, and of course the juicy stuff regarding intimacy.

I wish I can make you yummy fusion food, showing you the goodness of different culture. The same vice versa. I want to know all about your background. Culture is very interesting.

I have hoped that you were here with me at this moment, hugging me to sleep. Spooning is very nice, you know? And you can do whatever else you want on me, and I would not complain one single thing, but to love you even more.

I secretly imagine that we can make lots of love that involve heavy breathing, moaning, and fulfillment.

.
.
.

I miss you.


2010/03/01

Story | Transforming into the Ideal Form

I am very fond of you.
I envy you.
I deeply admire you.
I truly enjoy and appreciate your art and sketches and illustrations.

I want to be more like you.
I want to be closer to you.
I want to be a part of your mess.

I want to be you.


2010/02/28

Story | Association

Sometimes it's hard to not to not associate some places, particular people, certain objects, from the distant past with things and environment that we are staying in, seeing, and living with...

The school campus that I study in now, was filled with traces of the past. Your collection of exs had breathed through every square inch of the green field and 60s brutalist buildings and even the boring asphalt parking lots.

A person that I often contact with, was your ex, and is your best friend but also sleep buddy.

The future flat that I am moving into in a few months, was and currently is a crash pad for you and her and the numerous others who enjoy the night of fun.

How can I not go crazy? A big bundle of coping skills are needed to be in operation.


2010/02/21

Story | Opening Doors

As a believer and practitioner of monogamy plus a bit of fun occasionally, I was, umm, a bit shocked from hearing your adventurous sleepless spontaneous encounters. Now I fully knew that I have not really move on with my crush on you. But hearing those stories... I am happy for you as you find goodness for yourself, but your description of events happened deeply bothers me. I respect your choice to bed around, to be polygamous. However the sense of myself wanting to own you cannot be put away.

I think either I get over you, or I will transform and enlighten my mind, then make my way through your sleeping person list.


2010/02/21

My First Crush by Julia Pott

This is just soooo adorable! It is an animation based on interview with people about their first crushes.

Check its creator Julia Pott's website here:
http://www.juliapott.com

Story | Tea to Cure Sleepless Nights

That scent. That whims of air lingering in the room. That herbal fragrance...

Abandoned memories of ages ago came back. Now I'm doing similar things as those months, yet at a different location, with different people, under a different environment.

How can I roll back in time and return to the innocent person with less complicated mind? I know I had questions to process back then, but I feel they were nothing compare to the trauma I have to go through now.

I don't know if I should regret my steps...


2010/02/20

Story | Hope of File Cabinets' Demolition

I am heavily disturbed by the obscure ideas. Is there in any way I can abstract the concepts, put them in storage, and hope that I will understand them one day? It is very difficult, for me, to swallow the endless overwhelming information all at once.

My head is in the process of explosion. Why can't I just live a simple life? Maybe my mother was right - that path was/is/will never be easy. Now I totally get it, but it's applied in a different way. But yes, I would rather none of this had stirred up. Once you bring it out, you can never contain it under control.

I feel so tired. So out of place. I wish I am not a processor, selectively choosing exhausting objects and topics to wonder about. Give me a break, preferably one that never ends.


2010/02/20

Story | Pool of Revenge

If there is a pool, I would dive into it.

Swimming in cold water should make me realize the traumatic chaos that I am currently bringing into my life. I regret the coincidences that I created on purpose, brought it into the world so I can stir things up and test my adaptation abilities. Not a brilliant idea.

Revenge is a bad way of thinking that you would be comforting yourself by making others miserable. In fact, it is very disturbing to all. Cliche is performed, yet no one feels good afterward...


2010/02/20

Story | Hate

Why can't I just freaken get over you?

I value a gathering with you more than with my close friends. I go beyond my usual efforts just to meet you. I still want to see you even though I know it hurts me to know about your multi-facaded crazy life details. I even rank you higher than my (then ex-)girlfriend and the rest of my crushes in priority list.

You manage always owning a spot, no matter how tiny it is, in my heart. In fact, at most time the little sport of light grows large, or ever super grand.

Why can't I just withdraw myself away from you? The stories were supposed to be ended... but I guess I've jinxed myself, unfortunately.


2010/02/20

*Refer to Trip to the City for reference: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2009/12/story-trip-to-city.html

Story | Communcation among the Universe

Don't ever trust unreliable sources.
Things can be much more complicated than you see on the surface.
Lots of interweaving of webs and strings and other complex structures.


2010/02/19

The Pretty Secret

Beautiful people. Pretty Secrets.

Story | Self-abuse

Recently I have been abusing myself. Not physically, as I appreciate my body, but I certainly do things just to mess up my own mind and thoughts.

I engage in evil things that possibly hurt other people and make myself go through the questioning of karma. I pushed myself to see people who I'm deeply fond of, yet I knew they will make the me continuously processing things like a machine non-stoppable.

The gear inside my brain is surely worn out.

Energy. Shots of power and strength is what I need.

Or just a permanent trash can. Permanent deletion.


2010/02/19

Story | Attraction to Disorder

I had wished that I have never met you. Maybe that way I don't have to think nor deal with this mess, constantly broadcasting itself in my head. It's funny that I just ended my relationship less than a week ago, yet all I've been doing was thinking about you. Processing your recent life activities and how should I deal with myself in relation to your existence.

Why the hell I drag myself into this? I'm highly exhausted from processing and reviewing the pretty yet complicated lump of matter. At sudden thoughts I actually have an urge to involve with the chaos, but I wasn't sure if I'm actually compatible or ready for the extreme exotic beautiful mess.

I wish love and hate would equal out to nothing. Unfortunately it does not. Shit remains.


2010/02/19

Story | Shift. Delete. Escape.

You told me about your life.
I told you about my life.

If I ever had a choice, I actually prefer not to know it.
I feel shit after I hear them.

But I cannot stop myself from seeing you, knowing more about you.
And your multiple, complex, intervening network of connections.

I have to distant myself away from you,
forget all the single details about you,
and get myself out of here.


2010/02/19

Story | Overwhelmed

Things are much more complicated than I thought.
Numerous stories were told;
many secrets were shared.

Even though I am very attracted to you, even after two years, I think I will pass on with this.
I am not ready to deal with the bundle of mess. The complex relationships among us is too heavy for me handle.

However I still wish you well.


2010/02/19

Story | Things are funny isn't it III

Indeed you completed your project late last year.
You said you are slowly recovering from the exhaustion.

I completed mine not long ago too.
Still kind of exhausted though.

.
.
.

Is this a coincidence or what? Surely I've thought about intentional coincidence, but this is just... just too coincidental.

.
.
.

Do you think it's possible that one day we'll work on a project together? Secretly I really want to, just to see how things will go Just for the sake of experiencing the dynamic grouping with you. But... I knew things will not likely to work out, as the time difference of two years is always in between us. The two years is like a third body inhabiting an invisible space, distancing the two of us.

2010/02/17

*Read the previous stories, Things are funny isn't it II, here: http://threequartertranslation.blogspot.com/2009/03/story-things-are-funny-isnt-it-ii.html

Summary | March 4th, 2010

1. Ordered transcript
2. Sumbitted application for starting the sexuality studies certificate courses for fall
3. Ate banana nut muffin from Tim Hortons
4. Watched a short film about lesbian expat community in Shanghai
5. Recognized some faces from the film
6. Watched The Queer Nineties
7. Learned about the LGBT movement and development in Canada in the past
8. Saw someone's ex-girlfriend in the hallway; wondered why was she there
9. Complained about life in general
10. Slept at 10pm

Story | Samsara

Leave behind your past.
Surpass the present, getting beyond...

Isn't that what life is all about?
Endless cycles of birth, dead, and rebirth. On and on.

The exact same events, maybe with a bit of variation,
keep on replaying on your life, my life, and others' lives.


2010/02/16

Story | Does it hurt?

No, not really.

It is more like a piece of me was gone. Or like a part of my past had departed.
I can’t say I’m not grieving over it. Yet I knew it is the right decision.

It feels weird. I felt neutral emotion-wise, like I’m not sad, but I’m also not happy.

Maybe I’m just using the intellectualization ego defense method to distant myself from it.

I hope I'll be ok.
I hope you'll be too.


2010/02/15

Story | Fruits

No one said it was easy.
In fact, 99.9% of the time it will not be easy.

It is finished.
It is the past, no longer present.

I should be happy that it is over, yet I felt a sense of lost from within.
Maybe it's because I'm greedy?

I should be relieved that I'm no longer an evil person, although once I was.
If anything happens to me afterward, it will be karma.


2010/02/15

Voices for Beijing by Jonathan Borofsky

I was very fortunate to be able to encounter Jonathan Borofsky's mini show at the Pyo Beijing Gallery inside the 798 art district, roughly 2 year ago in the same summer as the Beijing Olympics 2008. Now whenever I feel very paranoid or pissed, I always turn to Voices for Beijing (2008) to calm myself down. It really helps me to clear my mind.

Jonathan Borofsky is an installation artist from the States, and had projects over North America, Europe, and East Asia. His official website can be seen here: http://www.borofsky.com/

The film piece is 8 minutes and 8 seconds long. Sound was done with artist's own voice, digitally altered with a computer system.

And did I mention I adore his installation work revolving on the theme of people, on top of this film? He's ranked second after Andy Warhol on my favourite artist list. Claes Oldenburg can only come in third after Jonathan Borofsky.